Tag I'm It, dog gone it!
My girlfriend, Calm Acceptance tagged me to do this meme, so here goes:10 years ago:
It was 1998. That was a rough year, looking back, Ray (hubby) was nearing what was his bottom fast. I was in oblivion to my own problem. Working at Auto Trader, struggling feeling miserable most days. Ray had his first seizure that year when he tried to quit drinking, Yes, if your a true alkie you can imagine the chaos in our home.
5 years ago:
It was 2003. I had quit working at Auto Trader and followed the owner to a new company which she dissolved because her heart wasn't in it, I started doing freelance and odd jobs, worked real hard at our ebay business. Ray would be sober 4 years in October, and I would be sober 1 year in June. Boy, what a first year, I walked in a fog the first 9 mos. Had a hard time finding a sponsor, but the one God put in my path was the right one. She walked me through the Big Book, showed me what she was freely given. I did all 12 Steps that first year, WOW, what freedom. I remember things never looked different in my life. I remember struggling with changing me, I remembering still being really sad a lot that first year. Ray and I struggled with emotions, mainly my anger and sadness, but I remember how happy and proud he was that day I received my first year. I was like a "jack in the box" when they asked who was celebrating their AA birthday. The person handing out the coins skipped right past year one and asked for people celebrating 2, he was teasing me, and we both knew it, funny I didn't get mad, but laughed instead. The laughter has continued to this day.
1 year ago:
Last year 2007. Ray and I had moved back to Ohio and have been living here again for 2 years. We did so much last year. Bought a pool, built a new deck with my brother and Rays guidance and design, got him a new flat screen TV, spent time together and with family friends. Ray became closer to my family, my brother Kevin would pick his brain for hours on all the different stuff Ray knew or experienced. My nephew Michael (2 yrs. old) would act afraid of Ray, but that Christmas would crawl up on the couch to snuggle with Ray and watch TV with him. Thank you God for these memories.
I dived into the Program and Fellowship here in Ohio again. Started making wonderful friends, true friendships, that was the year of my "AA Lead Circuit". I was speaking 2 -6 X a month asking God what is it you want me to say, why am I doing this so often, what is your purpose for me? I can look back and see God was preparing me for what was to come. He helped me seek Him out even more, put women in my path, started showing me there was even more to life than I could ever imagine or hope for.
Ray wanted to ride motorcycles again, so I learned and took the written test with him. We bought bikes and started riding together. I took the Motorcycle class in our area and passed. He took a trip to see his half brother who he had not visited in over 13 years. That was a really joyous occasion, and again I see Gods hand preparing both of us for what was to come.
Yesterday:
Was invited by a good friend in the program to the Cleveland Indians Home Opener. Had a blast, spent time with friends of the fellowship, and one of my sponsees. She is a blessing in ways she has yet to see, and that is pretty cool. The game flooded me with memories of Ray. It was the first ballgame I had attended without him. He was a huge baseball fan. Saw his favorite player, Jim Thome, even though he is playing for Chicago now, Ray still loved to watch him. Cleveland won - WAHOO! and I missed Ray, but I carry him in my heart wherever I go. Had fellowship in the car on the way home. My friend and I talked about his father and Ray, they both had passed away. How we were reacting and grieving to their deaths. How their deaths brought us closer to God. How we were living this new way of life.
5 snacks I like:
Chocolate ice cream
chocolate chip cookies
popcorn
fire roasted triscuits and cream cheese
grapes with watermelon
Books I like:
Bible
Fiction, such as "The Historian"
Science fiction and non-fiction, such as "Man from Mars" or my "Almanac of Birds"
stories about life, such as, "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho
Alcoholics Anonymous, 12 Steps and 12 Traditions, Daily Reflections, 24 Hour Book, Women's Spirit, Drop the Rock, Sobriety Without End
Writers such as Robert Ludlum, Robert Frost, Anne Rice, James Patterson, Paul Coelho, the list goes on and on, but those were a few off the to of my head. Dad taught us the value of reading as children, and I've never lost that passion for a good book.
If I had 100 million dollars:
I would give it to those who need it most, after asking for Gods guidance. He has provided me with everything I need in life and more, I don't have a use for a million dollars.
Places I like to visit:
Not including my own home, I have been all over southern California, Florida, Tennessee, Georgia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, West Virgina, southern New York, Kentucky, Texas, Louisiana, parts of Arizona, Canada, and the farthest trip I've taken was to Tromso and Oslo, Norway.
I would still like to visit the Carolinas, New Hampshire, Maine, Alaska, Washington, Montana and Colorado. I would love to travel to Japan, Australia, parts of Europe and Africa.
5 bad habits:
smoking
procrastination
anger
clutter bug
exercising
Pet Peeves:
rudeness
being mean or vindictive
jealousy
bad phone etiquette
indecisive
What I like doing:
Working with people
Seeking God
Working and playing with animals
Riding Motorcycles
Traveling
Learning
What I like to watch:
Nature and learning shows
action movies
movies with depth
Anime movies and shows
M.A.S.H., Andy Griffith, CSI
What I would never wear:
foofoo puffy "peptobismal" pink dress
thong bikini in public
other than that I have to try it to see what I wouldn't wear, sort of a weird question?
Well, thank you Calm Acceptance" this was a trip to past memories this morning, and it was what I needed, but not wanted, as today is a day of grieving.
This morning as I was getting the parrots their breakfast, Bomber is sitting on the kitchen faucet, I'm cleaning their bowls and I break down crying. I put my head down on the edge of the sink and just let the the sobs wash over me. I look up and there's Bomber bent over looking me in the face. The look on his face was "What's wrong? Are you okay? I love you." For once that bird didn't talk, but his expression said it all. Thank you God for all the things in my life today, and for your strength and perseverance to get through them.
You are my all.
Love,
Kimberly
