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But He does give us the answers we need.The last ten days have been tough, but I know God is walking with me, giving me His strength, and I am doing the foot work required.
On Wednesday morning my husband, Ray, went to be with God and his family. My heart screams NO! But my soul knows that God knew this was his time to come home. It was very unexpected, it feels unreal, my body and mind are still in shock. I am sorry I haven't been able to keep writing more regularly, and this is why. I told God that I would patiently await his answer on where life was going with us, and Wednesday morning He replied. I wasn't happy about the answer at all, I kicked and screamed and said NO, NO, NO! It was an option I never even thought about, one I could never imagine. I realize though that God never makes mistakes. I can see that I was there for Ray, loving him when he couldn't see past his own pain anymore, loving him when he couldn't love himself. That is what God wanted of me, to stay healthy, to follow His will, and He is taking care of the rest. I know it will all be okay, it sucks, but God is telling me it will be okay.
The women and men of this program are helping me by reaching out, and letting me reach back. I pray to God for His strength, and he is giving it to me through them. The prayers and love have been so much. I thank all of you, I thank God for you, and I thank God for this time He gave me with a man I truly loved like no other.
God thank you for...
- Letting Ray and I live each day together, good and bad
- For giving us opportunities to share life with others and each other
- For letting us pack this life full of life
- For letting Ray have some fun, even through the torturous physical pain
- Thank you for putting him in my path, to share a small part of this journey together
- For letting me truly learn what it is to love another selflessly, even when I'm not graceful about it at all, and make mistakes
- For his goofy grin, corny stories, HUGE heart and lovable laugh
- For all the things You taught us to prepare for this moment
- For showing me over, and over again, even before this very moment, that YOU are in our lives, moving amongst us even when we choose to ignore YOUR will
Thank you God for loving us all, for ending Ray's pain, and taking him into Your loving arms. And even though this "SUCKS", it is Your will and I see Your way, and will continue to seek it out daily, and know that it will be okay.
God Bless you all, cherish, protect, and love this new life we have been given.
Kimberly
You walk in the room, and your eyes light it up.
You've got something I want, a peace, a serene calm, a huge smile.
You share your story with me, and it's very funny.
You're as crazy in the head as me, and I feel at home near you.
You know how serious this life is, and you don't downplay that fact.
You share your story with me, and it gives me hope.
I see that we're still crazy, but today it's in a different kind of way.
You see me walk in the room, and your eyes light up.
You tell me kid, I think you got what you want.
- meSaw Ab last night, it was so good to see him. He's feeling really good for being 150 years old (ha ha - he's really in his 80s). His share was awesome as always, I never grow tired of hearing him. I'm like him in the fact, that I too want to laugh today. Back when I was drinking, I found very damn little to giggle about, let alone be happy. Today, right now, this moment is all I have, and I am going to make the most of it all. He always tells me "You don't have to do what I did to get here, (he drank for 40 yrs) there is hope. You don't have to loose it all - family, friends, business, etc..." I know what he says is true to, I see people at different bottoms coming in all the time, and finding the help they need. He almost always shares this story, and I'm going to pass it on because I think it's a really good one. I hope you enjoy.
"The wisest man in the world"
There once was the wisest man in the world, and he lived on the highest mountain. One day two little boys thought, "We'll trick that wise man, and show him who's smarter." The two little boys said, "We'll catch a little bird, and when we go to the wise man, we'll ask him what is in our hands?" "He will reply a bird." Then we'll answer him, "Yes, but is it alive or dead?" If he says, "It's dead, we'll let the little bird go, if he says it's alive, we'll crush it and kill it, proving him wrong either way." We'll show him who's the wisest. So they catch the little bird, and up the mountain they go.
The boys get to the top, and they have the little bird in their hands. They ask him, "Old man what do we hold in our hands?" The man replies, "You hold life." The boys ask, "Yes, but is it alive or dead?" The man replies, "That's up to you, it's in your hands."
Today, I know that my sobriety is in my hands, with God and AA's help, I have the power to choose "Life or death." Today, even when it gets tough like it is right now, I choose LIFE. Thank you God, and thanks to all the Angels you sent before me to help me today.
Blessings & Love,
Kimberly
A friend of mine, who's not in the program, but has truly inspired me on this new journey of life, sent me a letter today (snail mail). She is who I want to be like when I grow up! She has shown me, by example, how to live life on life's terms, how to laugh through it all, how to be grateful, and how to truly have fun. She sent me this poem, and I'd like to share it with you. Thank you God for putting her in my path, and life.
"The Dance"
Have you ever watched kids, on a Merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain, slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterflies erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't go so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day, on the fly?
When you ask "How are you"? Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed,
with the next hundred chores, running through your head?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste, not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, let good friendship die,
Cause you never had time, to call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry, and hurry through your day. It is like an unopened gift, thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower.
Hear the music.
Before the song is over.
- Rachel P.
