I've got no idea where I'm going with this, but I thought it might be fun. Which is really the way life should be. It took me a while to figure that out, so now I guess I'll share with you how I got here. I can't guarantee how up to date I'll keep this, well, cuz, I'm busy living life...
I found this extremely interesting, so I thought I would share.
I've been studying the Japanese Language in my spare time, I decided to start with the Kanji alphabet, and then go from there. It is a very difficult, and many layered language, but extremely captivating to me.
What I found though was this, that the Kanji character for tiger, is also the same for drunkard. I thought of one of the many misused phrases "sleeping tiger", used in the rooms of AA, and laughed, wondering if that's where the idea was born. Maybe someone translated the text wrong thing they meant sleeping tiger, when really they meant sleeping drunkard. What do you think??
The Maker of all Human Beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the mind and body. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Alcoholism, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Subsequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as defects of character, as it is primarily expressed.
Some symptoms include: 1. Anger 2. Self-pity 3. Dishonesty 4. Impatience 5. False pride 6. Fear 7. Resentment 8. Laziness 9. Envy 10. Insincerity 11. Intolerance 12. Selfishness
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct these shortcomings.
The Repair Technician, herein referred to as God as you understand Him, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs.
There is no additional fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is: 1-800-P-R-A-Y-E R. Once connected, please upload your burden of shortcomings through the inventory procedure.
Next, download forgiveness from the Repair Technician, God as you understand Him, into the heart component. No matter how big or small the defect of character is, God will replace it with: 1. Love 2. Self-forgetfulness 3. Honesty 4. Patience 5. Humility 6. Faith 7. Forgiveness 8. Action 9. Generosity 10. Compassion 11. Tolerance 12. Service
Alcoholics Anonymous--the story of how many thousands of men and women have recovered from alcoholism.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will eventually result in the human unit being permanently impounded.
For free emergency service, call on your sponsor.
DANGER: The human being units never responding to this recall action will be doomed to repeat this cycle unless they follow the few simple rules above.
Thank you for your attention! GOD
Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and that they may contact Him any time by "knee mail." The Twelfth Tradition is a recapitulation of the previous eleven.
I thought this was humorous, but also very true. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did. Have a great day, I know that I am because God is walking with again today!
Well, Life is definitely ever changing, and you never know what is coming over the next hill.
Thank you GOD - I LOVE IT THAT WAY TODAY!
Last evening on my way to lead for the women in a local jail, I was involved in an auto accident. Don't freak out, I didn't, everyone was alright, no injuries or ambulances, our guardian angels were working for us. Many kind people stopped to see if we were okay, if we needed the police called etc...
My car however is out of commission - augh, oh well - so last night after all the statements were taken, all information exchanged, all insurance companies notified, calls returned so no one worried, I crashed into bed and slept like a baby.
This morning I awoke fresh, abet a little sore, to take care of my daily chores, field the calls from claims adjusters, and go rent a car so I can get around. That all taken care of, I can rest and visit with the family and kids (that's what I call the parrots 'my kids'). There is nothing more I can follow up on until Monday, so I am going to enjoy the rest of today.
That is the beauty of working the program of AA for me. Today I don't have to freak out, get worried, lie, manipulate or any of that today. I can do the foot work required of me in life, God will take care of the rest, and I can enjoy this new life. Very Cool!
I hope all are well out there, say a small prayer for a woman named Sara B., and another named Linda K., I know I am praying for them to have the serenity God has given me today.
Well, things are still very serene and peaceful for me. I decided this week that maybe it's time to get a real job, not that I don't have one, but I need something more during the day. I guess structured would be the word. Since we moved here it has been like a three year vacation. Now don't get me wrong, this is not a complaint, I just miss working as a designer.
So I sent out about 6 resumes for job openings, and I have my first interview this morning. For once in my life I am not really nervous or anxious. I know that God will put the right job in my path at the right time. Makes me feel very comforted having that knowledge.
A good friend of mine has been sending me multiple emails a day to cheer me up, and she's doing a great job cheering me too. I don't know where she finds the funny things she does but they are good medicine for me. I have been getting a belly laugh every morning.
Well, I'm off I just wanted to write some of these thoughts bouncing around my head. Hopefully I'll get back to this later today.
Love, Kimberly
I'M BACK!!! oohheeeooo - 1-8-08 at 3:40pm
Well the interview went really well, that's my opinion of course, but she was a very nice lady, answered all my questions, dug around into my background a little, asked what my day was like, and so on and so forth.
The owner of the company is at the races in Daytona Beach, so I won't hear from them for a 2nd interview, or if they even hired someone else until he gets back.
It seems like a really nice company. Very similar to ones I've worked at before, small, started by owner, very loyal employees, nice office, and I figure if he's at the races he can't be boring so that's a plus sign.
My last employers were some of the best people I've ever worked for in my whole career. They got the job done, but had fun and appreciated the effort of ALL their employees. It felt more like family than work at times. I got the feeling it's sorta the same at this place i interviewed at today - we'll see!
As usual I'm not gonna sweat it, if God wants me there and feels it's right I'll get the job, if not I just keep looking.
Well gonna run, but I wanted to update this, have a great day kids!
The last couple of days have been unusual for me, let me explain. In the past when faced with my fears I have always reacted to them, today I can recognize them, and not react.
When a defect of character has raised its ugly head, my short coming wants to kick in and drive that defect into gear. An example would be of the relationship between hubby and I. Right now he is in a dark and pain driven place. It has been going on for sometime, and I thought it would get better (in my time not Gods). Instead things have progressively gotten worse. He hasn't attended meetings in a very long time, has not studied or worked his program, I don't even know if he is praying to a God of his understanding. He has become withdrawn from the world and me. He has not picked up the bottle, but he hasn't found his solution yet.
I try to communicate with him, not tell him what to do, let him know that I love him and I am here if he wants to talk. But he wants to be left alone, and has said so verbally. So that is what I can give him at the moment while he wrestles with his own demons. For I know today that he really isn't alone. God is carrying him at the moment, watching over him. God never makes a mistake, and from what I may think is a tragedy, always comes a blessing, a lesson, a ray of hope.
In the past I would have harped on him, tried to control the outcome, but not today. This day I want to do God's will, and so I must work my program, stay sober, change and continue to help another. I will love him, though he may not love himself. I will do what I can to stay pleasant, happy, joyous and free so that he may see my example. He did that for me, before I "gave up", "surrendered", hubby had been sober almost 3 years already when I finally hit my bottom. He didn't tell me what to do, or try to control me. He lead me by example by taking care of himself. So now it is my turn, to grow, to learn and to not act on my defects. This is a painful chapter in my life, but I know that God and more growth are in store for me.
So instead of being fearful, anger, restless, irritable and discontent, I have been feeling calm, peaceful and serene - that is the why it has been unusual for me the last couple of days. I will tell you though that I have also been gripped by moments of sadness. Pure, profound, feels like my heart is being ripped from my chest moments of sadness. They are brief, and when they do show up I pray, talk and listen to God. They pass, God answers me through a friend, a stranger, an email or something, but He answers and the sadness dissolves. It is amazing!
I know I had to be of a hopeless state of mind and body to finally surrender. This never changes in anything in life. To find my spiritual contact with God I must surrender to Him. With that surrender comes pain, realization, learning, action, growth and peace.
Thank you God:
For saving me For the the friends and strangers you put in my path For hope love guidance understanding faith pain surrender willingness honesty an open mind and heart and so much more that you know, but I can't express in words.
I am so tired of hearing the phrase don't drink and go to meetings!
This will get a real alcoholic KILLED! Trust me, I see them die a lot. I was glad no one said this to me when I walked into my first meeting. Alcohol was my solution, and when that was gone I was miserable and stuck in the problem. Thank you God, that my first meeting was an "A.A. Big Book Study" group. I was told a new way of life (a solution) was to be found in this basic text. AND IT WAS - WAHOO!
The Program of Alcoholics Anonymous is the text book of AA, it is referred to as; the literature (in the prefaces), the Big Book, and the blue book. It is the only Program for a real alcoholic who suffers from a hopeless state of mind and body. The Fellowship "Something Similar" is just that, Fellowship; definition is: companionship, a group of people with common interest.
A newcomer that walks in our door has no idea what A.A. is, I know I didn't. So if you are telling them to just come to meetings and not drink, without giving them a solution, which is the A.A. Program (The Big Book), you are leaving them in the problem, and eventually they will turn to the only solution that worked for them - WHICH WAS TO DRINK, and eventually they will die if they are a real alcoholic.
Now on to BULLSHIT BINGO! (artwork included above) I heard of this last year, and didn't get all the catch phrases down, and yadda, yadda, bunch of excuses, but I made sure to look for it online. Low and behold, Danny S. Recovered Alcoholic at Frunobulax 57 (http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com/) had it in his archives. So if you are a recovered alcoholic, and use the Program you will get this game, if not, it is more likely to piss you off. Which in reality could be a good thing for you.
Do you keep falling asleep in meetings? What about those long and boring using stories?? Get tired of the same old sloganeering, psychobabble and never ending Treatment Center ideas having NOTHING to do with the AA Program detailed in the Big Book? Or how about members who continue to deal with the same problems, same defects, and same painful relationships FOR YEARS?
Here's a way to change all that...
1. Before (or during) your next meeting, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5" x 5" is a good size. Divide the card into columns - five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.
2. Write one of the following word/phrases in each block: • Issues • Inner-child • Living Amends • Meaningful Relationship • Didn't Mean to Use • I'm Stuck On Step ____ • Couldn't Find A Meeting • My Sponsor Has Been Out Of Town • Can't change • Won't change • Yeah But • Oh, The Pain • But.... Don't you think • Misunderstood • Never • Rational • Recovery • Recovering Person • Searching (as in, "for answers") • Gonna (sometimes prefaced with, "I'm") • Been thinking (prefaced with, "I've") • she/he said, • "I know what it is I need to do but..." • Dysfunctional • I heard • Rage • I don't know much about this, but...
3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words or phrases.
4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"
TESTIMONIALS FROM SATISFIED "AA BULLSHIT BINGO" PLAYERS:
--"I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won." Adam W., Atlanta
--"My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically." David T., Tampa
--"What a gas! Meetings will never be the same for me after my first win." Dan J., NY City
--"The atmosphere was tense in the last "Gratitude" meeting as 14 of us waited for the fifth box. " Ben G., Denver
--"The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed out "BULLSHIT" for the third time in 20 minutes." Carnie Joe, Miami
Today is another new day in this new life I've been given - how awesome!
The last couple of weeks have been really busy, which is good, but then I miss doing certain things, like keeping up with this blog. Oh well, I've learned that God puts me exactly where and when He wants me, for a reason today - and that is really COOL!
I've been doing quite a few leads, which I don't mind doing, they are an honor and privilege today. To think someone wants me to stay around today is a blessing. Each lead has been different in feeling and what parts of my story I'm sharing, I can see my God's hand in each lead today, and know that I am doing His will.
Last night was especially heartfelt, I'm not sure why, other than that's where God wanted it to go. I am a real alcoholic as described in the Big Book. I suffered from a hopeless state of mind and body when I got to AA. I didn't come in through treatment centers, I wasn't a guest of the courts, I didn't lose financial stability, but I lost something far greater than all those things. I had lost my soul, and my spirituality. I remember at the age of 8, telling God I hated Him and didn't need Him anymore, "go take care of everything else, but I got my life handled. I don't need you." My Grandma R, had died, and she was the center of my small world. It didn't matter that she'd been ill and in pain for many years, my selfish little heart just wanted her here. When God took her home, I turned my back on Him.
I had alcoholic thinking before I even picked up that first drink. The lies, selfishness, manipulative conning, the using of people for my own ends started way back even before the age of 8. I didn't learn this from my parents, they are loving people who taught me wrong from right, instilled in me good behavior and habits, they taught me the value of an honest days work. I knew in my heart what was wrong and right, I just chose to ignore it and go my own way. That way was filled with pain, heart ache, remorse, anger, fear, sadness. When I finally picked up my first drink I thought I had arrived. I felt beautiful, happy, and was a social butterfly. It helped me to talk, dance, do things I was to scared to try without it.
Alcohol was my solution at the time. Hindsight today shows me it was a poor solution, but it was the only one that worked for me at that time. Alcohol became my friend, confident, lover, fighter, defender, excuse, reason, and more. It took me places, as a women, I should have never been. I should have been killed, stabbed, shot, raped on so many different occasions it's not funny. God was watching over me, he didn't abandon me, but still I didn't see it, I thought I was 6'4" (really 5'4") and bullet proof. I showed no fear, and someone help you, if you made me angry, because I was a fighter. I didn't care how big you were I knew how to take you down, and would. I don't share this because I'm proud of that fact, but to share with you who I was and where alcohol took me.
Drinking was the center of my world, it was the most important when I did anything. I'd go to the beach- pack the cooler, go to the store - take a cup, go to a water park - another cooler, go golfing - there's my buddy alcohol. It was number one in my life. I was a daily drinker, I thought I deserved it, I work hard. I don't think I was at the point where I lost my decision to put it down yet, I just didn't want to, and then somewhere I crossed that line. The thought "don't drink tonight" never crossed my mind. I didn't suffer from hangovers until almost the end, and at the time was really proud of that fact -"ya bunch of light weights, learn how to drink". I know now that was because I was intoxicated most of the time, I never sobered up enough to have a hang over.
Well, the last 2 years and 8 months of my drinking spiraled out of control. My husband, who drank like I did, went to rehab and started going to AA meetings. He got himself a home group, a sponsor, started reading the Big Book and working his steps. He stayed sober and did what he needed to do. I felt abandoned, alone and I spiraled out of control into self pity and resentment. He never once said to me "please don't drink, do you think you need AA, stop drinking", he let me be and took care of his sobriety. My routine was this every day; crawl out of bed at 4:30 am, get to work by 7:30 am, work till 7:30 pm, go home, grab a case of beer (along with about half a bottle of Tequila) and drink that till I almost passed out, then crawl back into bed and do it all over again.
Finally on June 19th of 2002 it all came to a crashing halt. It was the first and only time he asked me not to drink. It was his birthday, and he wanted to go out later, just the two of us. I remember saying "Yea, sure no problem." I meant it to that day, but as soon as the door shut and he went to take a nap. My brain kicked into gear, "There's only two beers in that fridge. Two aren't gonna hurt ya". So two beers and at least a couple of 72 oz. Rum and cokes later I'm down at the pool in the sun.
I feel a shadow fall across me, it's him. He says not a word, the look says it all. The black hole in my soul, the spiritual sickness that is empty and I cannot fill with anything - explodes. I finally see what my drinking is doing to another. I had lived so long in denial, and indifference, this actual feeling seared me to the bone. So, I did what any normal alcoholic does. I went after him with every reason, excuse, or con I could think of to make it okay. I kept at him until I pushed the right buttons of anger.
I don't even remember what was said, I do remember crying so hard I was heaving. He walked away, and my brain wasn't done yet "You know, you're making everyone miserable. Why don't you just kill yourself so they can move on and be happy." I believed my brain that day, and started to take his pain meds, the whole bottle down the hatch. Everything will be okay now. But God had something else in mind that day, and I thank Him for never leaving me.
Hubby walked back in the room, saw what I was doing, grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and made me puke it all up. He looked at me and said "You know what you need to do, you know where you need to go to get help." He walked away again, and as I sat on the bed on my hands and knees, no more tears, numb from the pain, I said the first honest thing I ever had in over 25 years, "God I give up, I need Your help! I can't even kill myself, I don't know what to do."
And so my journey began. The solution of using alcohol wasn't working, and I found something that worked for me. That solution for me is God and AA. AA didn't promise me they would show me how to stay sober, they promised to show me how to live this new life that God has blessed me with. Living life today is my solution, I do it one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, but I live it today with my God.
I have heard it said before, but I believe this to be true for me. "God lead me to A.A., and A.A. lead me back to God." I thank all of you!
Okay here is why the Big Book is called the "Big Book". Originally the first edition printed was bright red in color, with the colorful Carnival Jacket colors. It was printed on thicker paper, with larger print and larger margins to make the book seem larger. They did this, because just like any good alcoholic, bigger is better. Bill W. thought that by referring to it as a big book when selling it, people would think they were getting more value for their money.
In April 1939, 4,730 copies of the first edition of“Alcoholics Anonymous” were published at aselling price of $3.50 ($45.92 in 2005 dollars with the rise of cost of living). $3.50 was a lot of money back then, and as you can see, if they had raised the price of the Big Book with the cost of living how expensive it would be to buy today. Pretty amazing, think how many "Big Books" you've given away?!
The other part of this is why is it blue? Originally the first edition was in a bright blood red cover which could be seen whilst walking down the street, not so anonymous huh?!, then the "Carnival" color wrapper was added which didn't help out much more. Finally the blue was decided on as the color, it was safe, anonymous, and many other books had this same outer coloring.
Inside the first 164 pages of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous are 26 prayers, 149 promises, there are "haves" and "must dos" along with "suggestions", "this works" on pages 19, 82, 122, the word "recovered" is used 16 times, and "faith without works is dead" is actually written, and implied on the following pages 14, 15, 16, 76, 78 and 93, page 20 tells you what "recovered" means, you'll have to read for yourself to find the answer. I would have written more but Harmon speaks way faster than I can write. I think I need a tape recorder??
Originally, the fellowship came first and was considered the program of A.A., but after the publishing of the text Alcoholics Anonymous this IS THE PROGRAM OF A.A. Going to meetings and not drinking, does not mean you are working a program of recovery, it just means you have "sodriety" (sober drunk with no program). The "Fellowship of AA" and the "Program of AA" are two different things today, and have been since 1939. So when you are at your home group today, ask yourself, "Are they working the program of A.A. from the book? or are they still living in the problem?"
I had not thought of my program in this way before but it is so true for me. - "The solution to my hopeless state of mind and body was drinking. Alcohol was the solution to my problems for many years, it may have been a poor decision, but it was what worked for me at the time. So when I decided to become sober without drinking I needed to find another solution, minus the use of alcohol, but I still had the ISM part of the disease. For me the solution was the program of A.A. (the text or Big Book)." - Harmon.
I didn't come to A.A. fellowship because I lost my house, finances, jobs, wrecked cars or got dui's, and I did not get sent to treatment or the nut house. BUT, I had the hopeless state of mind and body, which we all have when we first walk into the fellowship. After walking into the fellowship I was directed to the text of A.A.. I was told that all my answers were in the first 164 pages, that if I wasn't sure I was an alcoholic read the story's there may be something I can relate to in my deciding or take the "40 Questions" pamphlet, but I knew I was alcoholic. So it was stressed, make sure I actively live this new way of life offered in the 164 pages of the Big Book. It is clear, precise, specific, step by step directions on how to LIVE this new life. Not on how to stay sober, but on how to LIVE a new life with a better decision than the one I used for so long (alcohol).
So that is what I do today, continually referring to my text book, which continues to grow because I CHANGE, and see, and learn more as I go along this journey of new life.
Hope this answered your question, lash505, I know it was nothing profound, but life usually isn't always that way. Have a great and wonderful rest of the week and weekend. I'm on the circuit for the next couple of days because that's where God wants me.
Love, Kimberly
P.S. I do want to post something else, but first I have to locate the Conference approved pamphlet. Hee Hee I found it:
I borrowed this pamphlet, I have altered it and the opinions are not the opinions of AA, or GSO World Service they are my own. So if your not comfortable with yourself go no further in your reading.
Wherever you see the word "drinking" in the questions, I have substituted certain words, "thinking", "thought", stupid", "stupider". This pamphlet still applied to me, and my disease of alcoholism.
IS A.A. FOR YOU?
Only you can decide whether you want to give A.A.a try — whether you think it can help you.
We who are in A.A. came because we finally gave up trying to control our drinking (THINKING). We still hated to admit that we could never drink (THINK) safely. Then we heard from other A.A. members that we were sick. (We thought so for years!) We found out that many people suffered from the same feelings of guilt and loneliness and hopelessness that we did. We found out that we had these feelings because we had the disease of (THINKING).
We decided to try and face up to what alcohol (THINKING) had done to us. Here are some of the questions we tried to answer honestly. If we answered YES to four or more questions, we were in deep trouble with our drinking (THINKING). See how you do. Remember, there is no disgrace in facing up to the fact that you have a problem.
Answer YES or NO to the following questions.
1 - Have you ever decided to stop(THINKING) drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days? Most of us in A.A. made all kinds of promises to ourselves and to our families. We could not keep them. Then we came to A.A. A.A. said: "Just try not to(THINK) drink today." (If you do not(THINK) drink today, you cannot get(STUPIDER) drunk today.)
Yes No
2 - Do you wish people would mind their own business about your(THINKING) drinking-- stop telling you what to do? In A.A. we do not tell anyone to do anything. We just talk about our own(THINKING) drinking, the trouble we got into, and how we stopped. We will be glad to help you, if you want us to.
Yes No
3 - Have you ever switched from one kind of(THOUGHT) drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting(MORE STUPID) drunk? We tried all kinds of ways. We made our(THOUGHTS) drinks weak. Or just(THOUGHT) drank beer. Or we did not(THINK) drink cocktails. Or only (THOUGHT) drank on weekends. You name it, we tried it. But if we(THOUGHT) drank anything with(A THOUGHT) alcohol in it, we usually got(STUPIDER) drunk eventually.
Yes No
4 - Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year? Do you need a (THOUGHT) drink to get started, or to stop shaking? This is a pretty sure sign that you are not(THINKING) drinking "socially."
Yes No
5 - Do you envy people who can(THINK) drink without getting into trouble? At one time or another, most of us have wondered why we were not like most people, who really can take it or leave it.
Yes No
6 - Have you had problems connected with(THINKING) drinking during the past year? Be honest! Doctors say that if you have a problem with(THOUGHT) alcohol and keep on(THINKING) drinking, it will get worse -- never better. Eventually, you will die, or end up in an institution for the rest of your life. The only hope is to stop(THINKING) drinking.
Yes No
7 - Has your(THINKING) drinking caused trouble at home? Before we came into A.A., most of us said that it was the people or problems at home that made us(THINK) drink. We could not see that our(THINKING) drinking just made everything worse. It never solved problems anywhere or anytime.
Yes No
8 - Do you ever try to get "extra"(THOUGHTS) drinks at a party because you do not get enough? Most of us used to have a "few" before we started out if we thought it was going to be that kind of party. And if(THOUGHTS) drinks were not served fast enough, we would go some place else to get more.
Yes No
9 - Do you tell yourself you can stop (THINKING) drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting(STUPIDER) drunk when you don't mean to? Many of us kidded ourselves into thinking that we(THINK) drank because we wanted to. After we came into A.A., we found out that once we started to(THINK) drink, we couldn't stop.
Yes No
10 - Have you missed days of work or school because of(THINKING) drinking? Many of us admit now that we "called in sick" lots of times when the truth was that we were(STUPID) hung-over or on a(THOUGHT) drunk.
Yes No
11 - Do you have "blackouts"? A "blackout" is when we have been(THINKING) drinking hours or days which we cannot remember. When we came to A.A., we found out that this is a pretty sure sign of (STUPID THINKING) alcoholic drinking.
Yes No
12 - Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not(THINK) drink? Many of us started to(THINK) drink because(THINKING) drinking made life seem better, at least for a while. By the time we got into A.A., we felt trapped. We were(THINKING) drinking to live and living to(THINK) drink. We were sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Yes No
Did you answer YES four or more times? If so, you are probably in trouble with (THOUGHTS) alcohol. Why do we say this? Because thousands of people in A.A. have said so for many years. They found out the truth about themselves — the hard way.
But again, only you can decide whether you think A.A. is for you. Try to keep an open mind on the subject. If the answer is YES, we will be glad to show you how we stopped(THINKING) drinking ourselves. Just call.
A.A. does not promise to solve your life's problems. But we can show you how we are learning to live without(THINKING) drinking "one day at a time." We stay away from that (FIRST THOUGHT) "first drink." If there is no first one, there cannot be a tenth one. And when we got rid of(THOUGHTS) alcohol, we found that life became much more manageable.
Well, yesterday was absolutely stunning here! So I went for a motorcycle ride - WOOHOO! God, it felt great, thank you!
I've been really busy, but it also is great today. It seems a lot of us have been busy, pretty cool!
I've lead twice this year already and have three more in the coming week, you'd think people would be tired of my voice, but apparently not. God has put me right where I need to be, and here is a perfect example:
Thursday night I walked into a meeting I have not been able to get to in a while because of other commitments. I walk in and Fred looks at me and says, "Hey, we heard you were dead?!", I replied "Well come over here and hug a dead girl." We all laughed and then Bill explained that it was a different Kimberly that had unfortunately been killed. So please keep her and her family in your prayers.
Bill and I started to talk, and he said that he'd missed a lot of us women at the meeting. We were all in different directions, other commitments or meetings, work or school. I told him it was great that he missed us, but why did it matter so much to him? He told me he was worried that if a woman newcomer walked in there would be no contact for her. The old saying of guys with guys, and girls with girls is important for a reason, but not a steadfast sticking point when help is needed. I told Bill that I would leave him my number in case that ever happened, but also told him that God takes care of us and there would be someone here when they were needed.
Well, kids, God does provide! I was leading that night and we had three new women walk in that door, and two new men, and another man who had moved to our area and was attending for the first time. God helped me share my experience, strength, and hope that evening. Two of the new women reached out and thanked me. We spoke briefly, and I gave them my number if they ever needed to talk, listen or wanted a ride to a meeting. I explained to them to just keep the number, if you don't use it, great, if you do use it, great also.
We made sure all the newbies had a Big Book, meeting directory and numbers before they left. Some asked about other good meetings to attend, and others ran for the door as soon as I was finished, but either way it was great! God put me right where I needed to be, He had me say exactly what He wanted me to, and with a little hope and willingness maybe someone heard what they needed. Sometimes I don't know what the outcome is for a newbie, and other times I get to watch them grow, either way it kept this alcoholic sober for the day.
A group of us are going to the N.U.T.S. study on Wednesday. I've made a commitment to attend all of these meetings (from January to May), and absorb as much as God wants of me. The introduction was really good. lash505, wanted to know why the Big Book is blue and called the Big Book? So I will talk to Gail and ask her, she touched on it briefly, but I can't remember (fried too many cells I think) So hopefully I will have an answer sometime after Wednesday.
Sunday I got to see a friend and her husband. It was really awesome to reconnect, we exchanged emails so hopefully we will stay in touch more. She is a very vibrant and funny woman, and I feel the glow of life exude from her. She would have been one of the woman I would've latched on to as a newbie in early sobriety. Instead I get to be a friend and walk a little of this journey together. Thank you and I love you Joni!
I'm gonna get moving, it's still really nice today, so maybe I'll get another ride in before old man winter gets wise. Have a great and blessed day!
Well this new year is starting out with a bang! This is a recap.
Wednesday I woke up early, got the kids all feed, took the dog out, and had to chase the cat down (it's very cold here). Got myself cleaned up, hubby was up banging around the house, and then we started to jump into preparation for taxes.
Hubby's taxes are a breeze, mine however are a nightmare to do, as I run a small business out of the house. The cool thing is I only have to file these once a year not quarterly, under my personal taxes. So, being the somewhat organized girl I've become, trust me this definitely wasn't so 4 years ago, I've learned to separate all of my expenses into categories. It also helps using a software designed to keep track of my expenditures over the whole year.
This isn't a lot of fun, but it is interesting, as I see how much we spend on different things from year to year, what has increased, what could be outta control and so on... and this is just a time consuming process, adding everything up, double checking figures, all this before I even start to file - WHEW!!! Bet your exhausted just listening to this dribble.
So onward and upward. Finally in the afternoon I ran out to take care of a few errands, called a couple of the girls to see who was coming to the 14th Annual N.U.T.S. Study Group, stopped to pickup dinner, ran home ate (inhaled more likely) dinner, talked to the girls some more to coordinate who's meeting when and where, worked on the tax prep some more, cleaned up and was ready to walk out the door when "D" called.
"D" is one of my sponsees and she was going to meet at my house then up north to the meeting we would go. However she calls and says "Kimmie I can't get to your street the cops have the entrance blocked." Huh?! Cops have our street blocked? "Yeah, I'm at yadda yadda, I'll see if they'll let me through." OK. How about I walk to the top of the street and just meet you there? "D" replies "That would work."
So I get of the phone and tell hubby cops have the street blocked off, and I'm gonna walk up and meet "D". He says "COPS, cool maybe there's a dead body, a decapitated head (he is joking) - wait I'll drive you up!" Yes, I love him but he's still a very, very sick man, and acts like a 4 year old at heart. So we hop in the car, "D" is waiting, I kiss hubby and are on our way. The main street outside of my neighborhood is blocked off traveling north, but I can't see what's the matter.
"D" and I head out for the meeting and we get to do one of my favorite things on a road trip. The meeting before the meeting, and the meeting after the meeting. We had a very good conversation, with lots of experience, strength and hope passed back and forth (can't say more it was sponsor/sponsee stuff).
The meeting was excellent. N.U.T.S. - Not Using The Steps, was started 14 years ago by a man named Harmon V. His sponsor had taken him to hear Charlie (from Joe & Charlie tapes) at a seminar. Harmon was so moved, and wanted to keep learning he talked to Charlie about it. Charlie told him, "You have a responsibility." So, Harmon with the help of others started N.U.T.S. We received a wealth of information last night, and I know it didn't all stick, that's why I'm a repeater. Though I'm not alone, almost the entire original starting members still attend every year, Harmon calls us the really sick ones.
Last night he briefly explained to us exactly what the Big Book is to us, and what it is not, and that he will cover this more in depth as we move along. He will displace a lot of the myths and false knowledge that has sprung up in the fellowship. He says he is not a teacher, but a student and is passing on what he has learned. He had some statistics, and facts, and I am going to need a tape recorder because I just can't write that fast. I've known Harmon for a short time, and the first thing I remember about him was that he talked as fast as my brain worked, which is pretty scary on so many different levels, but I really get him.
He then turned the floor over to Gail, who works with Archives, and she gave us a brief summary on the history of "Alcoholics Anonymous". If any of you ever visit from another country, please make sure to stop at the Archives Office in Akron, OH. There, they have every single Big Book printed in the language of that particular country with the country's flag on it. And these visitors are asked to sign the book from their country. I thought this was very cool, we have reached across so far, to so many, and spread light and joy where there was only darkness.
The meeting lasted about an hour and half and will meet every Wednesday from January to May. We will cover the first 164 pages in great detail again, I brought in tow some of the girls because we wanted to share this experience with others, and they are looking forward to more they really enjoyed last night.
I included this link and I hope you enjoy: http://www.akronaaarchives.org/mtWords.htm
Lastly, when we got home the power was out. He said someone took out not one, but two power poles, and that's all he knew. The stretch of road it happened on is a big curve, and with the snow it was most likely slick. Hopefully no one was hurt, so please say a quick prayer for them.
Hubby said it went off shortly after we left, he was concerned, but not panicked. I say this because the parrots need to stay warm, they shouldn't be exposed to long term temps under 68 degrees. The house was around 66 when I got home, so we lit some more candles, pulled all the comforters we had, put two of them in their cages and covered them to keep'em warm. We got ready for bed, and my baby Tretoe got to sleep with me. He used to do this all the time, but the dander from his feathers really makes my allergies bad. So I have had to stop doing this, but last night I needed to keep him warm so off we went.
This is what happens, I snuggle into bed, with a pillow against my body, he sits on top of the pillow and curls right against my neck. He then chortles, gurgles, makes dripping sounds for about two minutes, snuggles in even closer, nibbles my ear, and then finally falls asleep. It's very cute, and he is the most thankful animal I have ever met, and we fell back into this routine last night like we had never quit - ha ha! He makes me smile just thinking about his cute, feathered butt! Well, we both were just on the verge of unconsciousness when - *POP* the lights came back on. So I got back up, turned everything off, and then we went through our routine again, where we both finally drifted off to sleep.
This morning they all decided to make noise at 8 am, we didn't get to bed till real late (after 2 am), so I was up and moving, got them all feed, watered, and out on poop patrol. Here I sit and write real quick, I've got severe sleepy face and am nursing this cup of coffee - thank God for java! I have some cleaning to do around the house. Then I have the privilege of lead ing tonight for a friend, and for another friend on Sunday afternoon.
I will leave you with this one last item I heard last night. There are a lot of "we, they, our" in the Big Book, I found one page (36 B.B.) that goes overboard with "I", but there is a reason for that - you can read it for yourself. Generally at meetings we open with the "Serenity Prayer", this is how our group conscious has chosen to say it:
God, grant us the serenity, to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen
I'm trying to stay out of self pity, trying to stay out of pain, my heart is torn in two as I wait to see what happens. I know I'm never alone, and it brings me comfort at the most painful of times. The friends I have help me along the way, they don't understand completely, but that's okay. I'm just glad they are here, that I can reach out to them and get out of myself.
Last night was New Years and instead of sitting home with my crazy thoughts, I went to an AA dinner/dance . It helped me again stay out of me. Someone I've known for a short time asked me to sponsor her, and I'm very excited to travel part of this journey together.
It's a new year and I can't believe how crazy busy I'm going to be with life, the calendar is filling up everyday, and I thank God for every minute. I've made commitments not only to myself, but to others, and today I can follow through on them. I've decided that it might be a good idea to go back to work. I need to keep living, I need to continue being willing, I need to continue to grow. If I can't do this for myself, I can't do it for others. Sort of like when I really understood what the word love meant. My how things have changed.
So what does the future hold? I don't know, and today I don't really want to know. I'm content in that I have what matters to the heart most in my life. Nothing material, or financial can replace that which is in my heart and which I hold most dearly.
"Yea seek, and yea shall find." So I continue to seek, because if I had told you where and what I'd be doing today, I would have short changed my life severely. And no matter how painful life can be at times it is short lived by the joy I get today in return.
I'm a young women living life on lifes' terms.
New concept for me, I was given a new chance at life, and I'm grateful, oh so grateful.
This will be a place for me to share some of my Stray thoughts on my life.
