There are at least 2 people in this world whom you would die for.
At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
The only reason anyone would ever hate you,
is because they want to be just like you.
A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone,
even if they don't like you.
Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
You mean the world to someone.
You are special and unique.
Someone who you don't even know exists loves you.
When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
When you think the world has turned its back on you, take another look.
Always remember the compliments you received.
Forget about the rude remarks.
And always remember....
when life hands you lemons, ask for water and sugar and call me!
Good friends are like stars........
You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
"Whenever God Closes One Door,
He Always Opens Another...
Even Though Sometimes It's Hell in the Hallway"
It's better to give one rose, and a kind word to a friend while they're here, than a whole truck load when they're gone. Always remember to "stop and smell those roses"
I've been really busy, sorry, but life is just to much fun. I was asked the other day "What is my favorite journey?" I replied, "this life." Even with all the rough bumps in it, I wouldn't be who I am, nor where I am today!
Blessings & Love,
KIimberly
Friday, November 30, 2007
Sunday, November 25, 2007
What's Going On... cont...
So the last line of that quote was "This is a process of deflation (to undo)." I have to deflate my ego, my selfishness, my trying to control. All I can do is my program. Live the 12 Steps in my whole life, continue working with others, and continue my conscious contact with a God of my understanding.
"Cessation of drinking is but the first step away from a highly strained, abnormal condition." My only problem is not alcohol, it is the problems of my own making, the bad learned behaviors, and character defects. The only way to get healthier is to work on my 12 Steps, apply the knowledge in those 12 Promises to my whole life, continue to acknowledge my bad behaviors and not react to them, and work with other alcoholics, all the while doing God's will and not my own.
"We grow by our willingness to face and rectify errors and convert them into assets." So what I realized tonight while talking to one of the women was that I am making a mistake by trying to work his program, again. Remember that 1st paragraph I wrote. I have to be patient, work my program only, pray to God for His will for me, "have tolerance, love, and spiritual understanding" towards my husband, and just be patient and see what God has in store."Giving, rather than getting, will become the guiding principle."
"We have come to believe He would like us to keep our heads in the clouds with Him, but that our feet ought to be firmly planted on earth. That is where our fellow travelers are, and that is where our work must be done." My husband lead me into the program of AA by working his 12 Steps, working with his sponsor and others, by improving his conscious contact with a God he understands, and he patiently waited for almost 3 years for me to hit my bottom. Not once in all that time did he tell me what to do, or to quit drinking, or that I was a drunk, he just waited patiently with God.
Now it's my turn to do the same. Thank you God, and all those who work a program and help me along the way.
Blessings & Love,
Kimberly
"Cessation of drinking is but the first step away from a highly strained, abnormal condition." My only problem is not alcohol, it is the problems of my own making, the bad learned behaviors, and character defects. The only way to get healthier is to work on my 12 Steps, apply the knowledge in those 12 Promises to my whole life, continue to acknowledge my bad behaviors and not react to them, and work with other alcoholics, all the while doing God's will and not my own.
"We grow by our willingness to face and rectify errors and convert them into assets." So what I realized tonight while talking to one of the women was that I am making a mistake by trying to work his program, again. Remember that 1st paragraph I wrote. I have to be patient, work my program only, pray to God for His will for me, "have tolerance, love, and spiritual understanding" towards my husband, and just be patient and see what God has in store."Giving, rather than getting, will become the guiding principle."
"We have come to believe He would like us to keep our heads in the clouds with Him, but that our feet ought to be firmly planted on earth. That is where our fellow travelers are, and that is where our work must be done." My husband lead me into the program of AA by working his 12 Steps, working with his sponsor and others, by improving his conscious contact with a God he understands, and he patiently waited for almost 3 years for me to hit my bottom. Not once in all that time did he tell me what to do, or to quit drinking, or that I was a drunk, he just waited patiently with God.
Now it's my turn to do the same. Thank you God, and all those who work a program and help me along the way.
Blessings & Love,
Kimberly
What's Going On...
Well, I've been posting a little about what is happening on the homefront, so I thought I would go into more detail, and explain the problems and solutions I'm applying.
My husband and I are both alcoholics by our own admissions. He became sober Oct. 5th of 1999, and I finally got it on June 20th 2002. He continued to do what he needed to in order to stay sober. I continued drinking for almost another 3 years, but when I did hit my bottom I knew where to get help. Things were moving along for both of us, each working our steps, working with our sponsors, and attending meetings, both alone and together. We try never to work the others program, trust me it's not a fun experience. We then decided to move from California back to Ohio.
This is where things started to change for both of us. I started attending meetings here on a daily basis, and have made lots of new friends, and worked with other alcoholics. I continue to search out a God of my understanding, and broaden my spiritual condition. I continue to pass on the Steps to other alcoholics (women), and give away what was so freely given to me. I try to apply the Steps to my life (whole life), but here lay the problem, and my frustrations. The following had started occurring over the last 3 - 5 years, and became very noticeable (resentments) to me in this last year. He has attended 2 meetings since we moved here, he has worked with one alcoholic since we moved, he does keep in touch with a few AA friends from his home group in California, and he tells me he prays everyday. The intimacy in our relationship is nil, and I feel more like a room mate then a wife. Of course my "itty bitty shitty committee" in my head started up, I started to feel inadequate, I started to feel let down, I felt maybe he was in trouble, whenever we argued it was my fault, etc.... Are you starting to see a pattern. "I". It's not all about me. So this is what I've been doing.
I continue to work with others, attend meetings, study my Big Book, and search so I can keep expanding my spiritual condition.
The women in the rooms suggested that I ask him direct questions to certain things, and really listened to what he said. If I am not sure what he said, ask him to repeat it again, and then tell him what my brain interpreted so I know we are both on the same page. Sounds long and drawn out, but it sucks, if he says something like "I wanna go on a trip south to see relatives", and what I hear is "I wanna go south on vacation by myself cuz I don't want to be near you." See how my brain still can project old thinking.
Well, he really did take a motorcycle trip, I couldn't go with him because it's real hard to find someone to watch three parrots, but when he was ready to go I was happy for him. He has had major back pain for about 5 years now, he has 11 herniated disks, half of them are ruptured, the cold and excessive activity make it worse, and wear him out physically for days to weeks at a time. When he decided to buy the bike, "I'm concerned, won't it hurt your back?" He told me, "No, the way the bike sits is real comfortable, and I don't go very far." So I'm thinking this bike is a great new outlet for him. He has had to stop playing numerous sports that he loved because his body just can't, it's hard for him to sleep, work in the yard, sit for extended periods, etc... So off he goes, calling me daily, telling me the fun he is having, and he isn't complaining about the pain even when I ask. Then four days before he is to start the return trip, he's feeling tired, in lots of pain, and is having to ride 30 minutes and stop for 30. Well my brain kicks in to high gear, "it's not really his back it's you he doesn't want to come home to." See why I call them the "itty bitty shitty committee", dropped me right back into my selfish ways.
So I found out after much searching, inventory, and 5th step action, that I had stopped doing things because I'm reacting to him, and listening to my own SELFISH heart. I stopped hugging and kissing him because I felt rejected, stopped sleeping in the same room because he would toss and turn at night , I stopped calling him when on my way home (he knew where I was). I felt like a care taker not a wife, doing a lot of the chores (not all), and being compensated by being able to work out of the home. I would feel, irritated when talking or doing something with him because my resentments were building up.
A friend suggested I read "The Family Afterward" again. To this friend "THANK YOU!!!!!!" I had forgotten how much info was in there to help with our problem. The following in quotes are taken from Chapter 9 - The Family Afterward, pages 122 - 135, from the book Alcoholics Anonymous.
"All members of the family should meet upon the common ground of tolerance (endurance or permitting of freedom of opinions differing from our own), understanding (to comprehend, to grasp without explanation), and love (fondness that delights or captures the mind, pre-eminent kindness). This is a process of deflation (to undo)."
Had I been tolerant? No, I was trying to make him see my way only. What he's telling me is that he is OK, that he is comfortable in his own skin, and that he is doing what he needs to on a daily basis. Whether he is telling me the truth or not, I don't know, and it doesn't matter - I AM NOT GOD. To be tolerant - I have to permit and accept that he has opinions different then me, and respect those opinions. I do not have to share them or endorse them.
Had I been understanding? No, again I was trying to make him understand my point of view. He is doing things in his program that work for him, they might not work for me, but I don't always fully grasp something without explanation. Again, whether he is telling me the truth or not, I don't know, and it doesn't matter - I need to learn to become understanding, and when I don't fully grasp something ask questions.
Finally, had I been loving? No, not entirely. I would talk to him and get the silent treatment. I would try to be intimate, and get rejected. I would try to kiss or hug him, and be rebuffed. My ego was tired of being rejected, so I gave up. He would tell me that it's because of his back pain, or that he is tired, or that he can't talk to me without us having a fight. Whether he is telling me the truth or not, or it's all just excuses, it doesn't matter, I love him still, and hope the best for him everyday.
(I had no idea how long I had been going on... I will have to continue this in another post)
Tonight I am going to see a sponsee get her 3rd year Anniversary coin - she has no idea how much she's helped me.
Blessings & Love,
Kimberly
My husband and I are both alcoholics by our own admissions. He became sober Oct. 5th of 1999, and I finally got it on June 20th 2002. He continued to do what he needed to in order to stay sober. I continued drinking for almost another 3 years, but when I did hit my bottom I knew where to get help. Things were moving along for both of us, each working our steps, working with our sponsors, and attending meetings, both alone and together. We try never to work the others program, trust me it's not a fun experience. We then decided to move from California back to Ohio.
This is where things started to change for both of us. I started attending meetings here on a daily basis, and have made lots of new friends, and worked with other alcoholics. I continue to search out a God of my understanding, and broaden my spiritual condition. I continue to pass on the Steps to other alcoholics (women), and give away what was so freely given to me. I try to apply the Steps to my life (whole life), but here lay the problem, and my frustrations. The following had started occurring over the last 3 - 5 years, and became very noticeable (resentments) to me in this last year. He has attended 2 meetings since we moved here, he has worked with one alcoholic since we moved, he does keep in touch with a few AA friends from his home group in California, and he tells me he prays everyday. The intimacy in our relationship is nil, and I feel more like a room mate then a wife. Of course my "itty bitty shitty committee" in my head started up, I started to feel inadequate, I started to feel let down, I felt maybe he was in trouble, whenever we argued it was my fault, etc.... Are you starting to see a pattern. "I". It's not all about me. So this is what I've been doing.
I continue to work with others, attend meetings, study my Big Book, and search so I can keep expanding my spiritual condition.
The women in the rooms suggested that I ask him direct questions to certain things, and really listened to what he said. If I am not sure what he said, ask him to repeat it again, and then tell him what my brain interpreted so I know we are both on the same page. Sounds long and drawn out, but it sucks, if he says something like "I wanna go on a trip south to see relatives", and what I hear is "I wanna go south on vacation by myself cuz I don't want to be near you." See how my brain still can project old thinking.
Well, he really did take a motorcycle trip, I couldn't go with him because it's real hard to find someone to watch three parrots, but when he was ready to go I was happy for him. He has had major back pain for about 5 years now, he has 11 herniated disks, half of them are ruptured, the cold and excessive activity make it worse, and wear him out physically for days to weeks at a time. When he decided to buy the bike, "I'm concerned, won't it hurt your back?" He told me, "No, the way the bike sits is real comfortable, and I don't go very far." So I'm thinking this bike is a great new outlet for him. He has had to stop playing numerous sports that he loved because his body just can't, it's hard for him to sleep, work in the yard, sit for extended periods, etc... So off he goes, calling me daily, telling me the fun he is having, and he isn't complaining about the pain even when I ask. Then four days before he is to start the return trip, he's feeling tired, in lots of pain, and is having to ride 30 minutes and stop for 30. Well my brain kicks in to high gear, "it's not really his back it's you he doesn't want to come home to." See why I call them the "itty bitty shitty committee", dropped me right back into my selfish ways.
So I found out after much searching, inventory, and 5th step action, that I had stopped doing things because I'm reacting to him, and listening to my own SELFISH heart. I stopped hugging and kissing him because I felt rejected, stopped sleeping in the same room because he would toss and turn at night , I stopped calling him when on my way home (he knew where I was). I felt like a care taker not a wife, doing a lot of the chores (not all), and being compensated by being able to work out of the home. I would feel, irritated when talking or doing something with him because my resentments were building up.
A friend suggested I read "The Family Afterward" again. To this friend "THANK YOU!!!!!!" I had forgotten how much info was in there to help with our problem. The following in quotes are taken from Chapter 9 - The Family Afterward, pages 122 - 135, from the book Alcoholics Anonymous.
"All members of the family should meet upon the common ground of tolerance (endurance or permitting of freedom of opinions differing from our own), understanding (to comprehend, to grasp without explanation), and love (fondness that delights or captures the mind, pre-eminent kindness). This is a process of deflation (to undo)."
Had I been tolerant? No, I was trying to make him see my way only. What he's telling me is that he is OK, that he is comfortable in his own skin, and that he is doing what he needs to on a daily basis. Whether he is telling me the truth or not, I don't know, and it doesn't matter - I AM NOT GOD. To be tolerant - I have to permit and accept that he has opinions different then me, and respect those opinions. I do not have to share them or endorse them.
Had I been understanding? No, again I was trying to make him understand my point of view. He is doing things in his program that work for him, they might not work for me, but I don't always fully grasp something without explanation. Again, whether he is telling me the truth or not, I don't know, and it doesn't matter - I need to learn to become understanding, and when I don't fully grasp something ask questions.
Finally, had I been loving? No, not entirely. I would talk to him and get the silent treatment. I would try to be intimate, and get rejected. I would try to kiss or hug him, and be rebuffed. My ego was tired of being rejected, so I gave up. He would tell me that it's because of his back pain, or that he is tired, or that he can't talk to me without us having a fight. Whether he is telling me the truth or not, or it's all just excuses, it doesn't matter, I love him still, and hope the best for him everyday.
(I had no idea how long I had been going on... I will have to continue this in another post)
Tonight I am going to see a sponsee get her 3rd year Anniversary coin - she has no idea how much she's helped me.
Blessings & Love,
Kimberly
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
What I traded in...
A women I met when I moved here, and who scared the shit out of me, has given me a lot. Not in the sense of money, property, etc..., but in her sharing, reaching out, being selfless. She was an old timer from my home group, and about a year ago she moved away, not far, but life continues, and God has put new people in our lives. I got to visit with her again, it's been over six months since I saw her last. Tonight I am going to take a page from her, and share it with you.
What I traded in...
I traded in a dark bar, for sunlit rooms.
Blackouts for memories.
Sorrow for happiness.
Doubt for faith.
Death for life.
Bullshit for honesty.
Loneliness for friends.
Black soul for God.
Contempt for open mindedness.
Greed for sharing.
Hate for love.
Pain for surrender.
I traded all this in and more,
when I stopped being a drunk,
and became a member of AA.
Thank you Donna, and all the women in AA who came before you, and for all the ones after us. We keep sharing, loving, hoping, growing, dreaming, sharing, and passing on this message.
Blessings & Love,
Kimberly
What I traded in...
I traded in a dark bar, for sunlit rooms.
Blackouts for memories.
Sorrow for happiness.
Doubt for faith.
Death for life.
Bullshit for honesty.
Loneliness for friends.
Black soul for God.
Contempt for open mindedness.
Greed for sharing.
Hate for love.
Pain for surrender.
I traded all this in and more,
when I stopped being a drunk,
and became a member of AA.
Thank you Donna, and all the women in AA who came before you, and for all the ones after us. We keep sharing, loving, hoping, growing, dreaming, sharing, and passing on this message.
Blessings & Love,
Kimberly
Monday, November 19, 2007
Twinkle in your eye...
You walk in the room, and your eyes light it up.
You've got something I want, a peace, a serene calm, a huge smile.
You share your story with me, and it's very funny.
You're as crazy in the head as me, and I feel at home near you.
You know how serious this life is, and you don't downplay that fact.
You share your story with me, and it gives me hope.
I see that we're still crazy, but today it's in a different kind of way.
You see me walk in the room, and your eyes light up.
You tell me kid, I think you got what you want.
- me
Saw Ab last night, it was so good to see him. He's feeling really good for being 150 years old (ha ha - he's really in his 80s). His share was awesome as always, I never grow tired of hearing him. I'm like him in the fact, that I too want to laugh today. Back when I was drinking, I found very damn little to giggle about, let alone be happy. Today, right now, this moment is all I have, and I am going to make the most of it all. He always tells me "You don't have to do what I did to get here, (he drank for 40 yrs) there is hope. You don't have to loose it all - family, friends, business, etc..." I know what he says is true to, I see people at different bottoms coming in all the time, and finding the help they need. He almost always shares this story, and I'm going to pass it on because I think it's a really good one. I hope you enjoy.
"The wisest man in the world"
There once was the wisest man in the world, and he lived on the highest mountain. One day two little boys thought, "We'll trick that wise man, and show him who's smarter." The two little boys said, "We'll catch a little bird, and when we go to the wise man, we'll ask him what is in our hands?" "He will reply a bird." Then we'll answer him, "Yes, but is it alive or dead?" If he says, "It's dead, we'll let the little bird go, if he says it's alive, we'll crush it and kill it, proving him wrong either way." We'll show him who's the wisest. So they catch the little bird, and up the mountain they go.
The boys get to the top, and they have the little bird in their hands. They ask him, "Old man what do we hold in our hands?" The man replies, "You hold life." The boys ask, "Yes, but is it alive or dead?" The man replies, "That's up to you, it's in your hands."
Today, I know that my sobriety is in my hands, with God and AA's help, I have the power to choose "Life or death." Today, even when it gets tough like it is right now, I choose LIFE. Thank you God, and thanks to all the Angels you sent before me to help me today.
Blessings & Love,
Kimberly
You've got something I want, a peace, a serene calm, a huge smile.
You share your story with me, and it's very funny.
You're as crazy in the head as me, and I feel at home near you.
You know how serious this life is, and you don't downplay that fact.
You share your story with me, and it gives me hope.
I see that we're still crazy, but today it's in a different kind of way.
You see me walk in the room, and your eyes light up.
You tell me kid, I think you got what you want.
- me
Saw Ab last night, it was so good to see him. He's feeling really good for being 150 years old (ha ha - he's really in his 80s). His share was awesome as always, I never grow tired of hearing him. I'm like him in the fact, that I too want to laugh today. Back when I was drinking, I found very damn little to giggle about, let alone be happy. Today, right now, this moment is all I have, and I am going to make the most of it all. He always tells me "You don't have to do what I did to get here, (he drank for 40 yrs) there is hope. You don't have to loose it all - family, friends, business, etc..." I know what he says is true to, I see people at different bottoms coming in all the time, and finding the help they need. He almost always shares this story, and I'm going to pass it on because I think it's a really good one. I hope you enjoy.
"The wisest man in the world"
There once was the wisest man in the world, and he lived on the highest mountain. One day two little boys thought, "We'll trick that wise man, and show him who's smarter." The two little boys said, "We'll catch a little bird, and when we go to the wise man, we'll ask him what is in our hands?" "He will reply a bird." Then we'll answer him, "Yes, but is it alive or dead?" If he says, "It's dead, we'll let the little bird go, if he says it's alive, we'll crush it and kill it, proving him wrong either way." We'll show him who's the wisest. So they catch the little bird, and up the mountain they go.
The boys get to the top, and they have the little bird in their hands. They ask him, "Old man what do we hold in our hands?" The man replies, "You hold life." The boys ask, "Yes, but is it alive or dead?" The man replies, "That's up to you, it's in your hands."
Today, I know that my sobriety is in my hands, with God and AA's help, I have the power to choose "Life or death." Today, even when it gets tough like it is right now, I choose LIFE. Thank you God, and thanks to all the Angels you sent before me to help me today.
Blessings & Love,
Kimberly
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Weird, but good day
I haven't been writing lately, but that's OK, just been busy. Yesterday was a good day, but I was in a weird mood. One minute really happy, the next mad, then crazy, depressed, and round and round it went. This damn brain is trying to kill me, it just won't quiet itself. As a good friend of mine says, "The itty, bitty, shitty committee is working overtime". Did tons of praying and meditating to God for guidance.
Met with (P) yesterday, she's gone through the same thing I am going through right now. God puts the right people in my path and helps me every time. Things with hubby are at a stand still. I've finally realized that all I can do is pray for him, be kind to him, do what I do on a daily basis to stay sober, and hope that my example helps. He's in God's hands right now, and that's right where he needs to be.
Last night when my brain wouldn't shut off, I lay there in the dark, and thought of this, please be kind, I'm not a writer.
Miss you...
I miss your kiss, and the strong arms that hold me,
I miss your warm breath on my neck, and your gentle whisper in my ear,
I miss your strong hands, that could lift, and hold me,
I miss your funny stories, as we lay spent in bed.
I miss the way you would go out, and help others,
I miss the way you would sit with them in thought,
I miss the way you could entertain others,
I miss the way you would do this, as we all sat, and had brunch.
I don't know where you've gone, but I understand why,
I don't know why it's happening, but I can't question God,
I don't know what's going to happen, that's up to you and God,
I don't know when it's happening, but we'll be here if you should fall.
– Kimberly
I asked (P) to be my new sponsor, she knew it was coming (the look on her face was really cute). Her and I are so alike in a lot of ways. She laughed, and said "yes", she told me "You're low maintenance", boy is that something that's changed in my life, I was always a high maintenance pain in the ass for so long. I'm really excited about this new step in life, my old sponsor and I will still keep in touch, but every year, it was getting harder for both of us (she's in California & I'm now in Ohio).
Anyway, my sponsor, said I'm doing most of the right stuff in regards to hubby, and gave me some suggestions I hadn't thought of, or heard from others. She said it was really good I was reaching out to others, instead of carrying this burden alone. I'm working to stay out of self pity, and keep on a positive upswing; praying, meditating, working with others, applying the steps to all my life, setting an example, and repeat and rinse! Ha Ha! But sometimes, the pity creeps back in, I wallow for awhile, then move on, and tell God to handle it, cuz I sure can't! This always snaps me out of it pretty quick, sorta like the 2X4 God applies to my head when I'm really dense.
Enough from me today. I'm looking forward to this evenings meeting. A real good friend of mine from out of the meetings area is leading tonight. He has an awesome message, he's very ornery (as sure as God made little green apples), and lights up the room as soon as he enters. The twinkle in his eyes is what attracted me the most to him, I wanted what he had! He's very humorous in his lead, but has that very serious undertone of what this (AA program) is all about, and how it saved his life. I can't wait to see him, and thank God for putting him in my path! I attend a lot of different meetings, in different counties, and have met a lot of wonderful people. The group is in for a real treat tonight!
Blessings & Love,
Kimberly
Met with (P) yesterday, she's gone through the same thing I am going through right now. God puts the right people in my path and helps me every time. Things with hubby are at a stand still. I've finally realized that all I can do is pray for him, be kind to him, do what I do on a daily basis to stay sober, and hope that my example helps. He's in God's hands right now, and that's right where he needs to be.
Last night when my brain wouldn't shut off, I lay there in the dark, and thought of this, please be kind, I'm not a writer.
Miss you...
I miss your kiss, and the strong arms that hold me,
I miss your warm breath on my neck, and your gentle whisper in my ear,
I miss your strong hands, that could lift, and hold me,
I miss your funny stories, as we lay spent in bed.
I miss the way you would go out, and help others,
I miss the way you would sit with them in thought,
I miss the way you could entertain others,
I miss the way you would do this, as we all sat, and had brunch.
I don't know where you've gone, but I understand why,
I don't know why it's happening, but I can't question God,
I don't know what's going to happen, that's up to you and God,
I don't know when it's happening, but we'll be here if you should fall.
– Kimberly
I asked (P) to be my new sponsor, she knew it was coming (the look on her face was really cute). Her and I are so alike in a lot of ways. She laughed, and said "yes", she told me "You're low maintenance", boy is that something that's changed in my life, I was always a high maintenance pain in the ass for so long. I'm really excited about this new step in life, my old sponsor and I will still keep in touch, but every year, it was getting harder for both of us (she's in California & I'm now in Ohio).
Anyway, my sponsor, said I'm doing most of the right stuff in regards to hubby, and gave me some suggestions I hadn't thought of, or heard from others. She said it was really good I was reaching out to others, instead of carrying this burden alone. I'm working to stay out of self pity, and keep on a positive upswing; praying, meditating, working with others, applying the steps to all my life, setting an example, and repeat and rinse! Ha Ha! But sometimes, the pity creeps back in, I wallow for awhile, then move on, and tell God to handle it, cuz I sure can't! This always snaps me out of it pretty quick, sorta like the 2X4 God applies to my head when I'm really dense.
Enough from me today. I'm looking forward to this evenings meeting. A real good friend of mine from out of the meetings area is leading tonight. He has an awesome message, he's very ornery (as sure as God made little green apples), and lights up the room as soon as he enters. The twinkle in his eyes is what attracted me the most to him, I wanted what he had! He's very humorous in his lead, but has that very serious undertone of what this (AA program) is all about, and how it saved his life. I can't wait to see him, and thank God for putting him in my path! I attend a lot of different meetings, in different counties, and have met a lot of wonderful people. The group is in for a real treat tonight!
Blessings & Love,
Kimberly
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Chasing
"If you keep do, do, doing, you'll wind up with doodoo!"
This was a subject that came up tonight, now I'll put it into context. We were sharing at a life recovery bible group some of the women started, and one shared that she wanted to become closer to God, get into His word, and really study. Her goal is to become "God-Like" (not in the sense that she's God), just close to God as she can get. I think it's awesome, and so did the other women. It's what God wants of us, to come closer to Him, to seek Him. Anyway, she shared that she felt like she was chasing Him, and that she wasn't feeling that "feeling", like a spiritual awakening, but stronger, I and the other women understood that feeling (hope you do to).
Another women (I call her P.) shared that early in her sobriety, and even for some time, she chased that feeling, she wanted 10 years of sobriety in one year. Her sponsor told her that never happens, we did years of drinking, we don't get better overnight. She (P.) went onto explain, that we have seasons (or time frames) in our life, a Spring (where we bloom), Summer (we're warm & fuzzy, having fun), Fall (we reflect & are thankful), and Winter (a dark period before new growth). We could go through all these seasons in a day, a week, a month or years, but we constantly do go through them.
But, we both came to the same conclusion. That if I'm to busy chasing, and running, and doing, and not slowing down, because I'm in to big of a hurry to get to that "feeling" or cram 10 years into 1 year, then I'm not enjoying the journey. The journey is what it's all about, not the destination. The journey gets me closer to God, the journey teaches me lessons. I feel joy, peace, serenity, sadness, pain, etc., but through the journey I get change, and closer to my "conscious contact with God".
WOOHOO! It was an awesome night! Thank you God, thank you ladies, you know who you are, you just have no idea how much you help me!
Blessings & Love,
Kimberly
This was a subject that came up tonight, now I'll put it into context. We were sharing at a life recovery bible group some of the women started, and one shared that she wanted to become closer to God, get into His word, and really study. Her goal is to become "God-Like" (not in the sense that she's God), just close to God as she can get. I think it's awesome, and so did the other women. It's what God wants of us, to come closer to Him, to seek Him. Anyway, she shared that she felt like she was chasing Him, and that she wasn't feeling that "feeling", like a spiritual awakening, but stronger, I and the other women understood that feeling (hope you do to).
Another women (I call her P.) shared that early in her sobriety, and even for some time, she chased that feeling, she wanted 10 years of sobriety in one year. Her sponsor told her that never happens, we did years of drinking, we don't get better overnight. She (P.) went onto explain, that we have seasons (or time frames) in our life, a Spring (where we bloom), Summer (we're warm & fuzzy, having fun), Fall (we reflect & are thankful), and Winter (a dark period before new growth). We could go through all these seasons in a day, a week, a month or years, but we constantly do go through them.
But, we both came to the same conclusion. That if I'm to busy chasing, and running, and doing, and not slowing down, because I'm in to big of a hurry to get to that "feeling" or cram 10 years into 1 year, then I'm not enjoying the journey. The journey is what it's all about, not the destination. The journey gets me closer to God, the journey teaches me lessons. I feel joy, peace, serenity, sadness, pain, etc., but through the journey I get change, and closer to my "conscious contact with God".
WOOHOO! It was an awesome night! Thank you God, thank you ladies, you know who you are, you just have no idea how much you help me!
Blessings & Love,
Kimberly
Spiritual Thursday!
I love Thursday, particularly, every other Thursday. Why? you ask, because a group of us girls in AA get together, and are working through a life recovery book.
This book takes examples from the Bible, and relates them to the 12 Steps of AA, the Serenity Prayer, and some other stuff I haven't even touched or looked at yet. It's not for everyone, but I enjoy it immensely, and glean things about myself, and what I think my H.P. is all about from the discussion. Plus, as a bonus I get to see these wonderful women from AA that I've come to rely on as part of my support group. (God knows how much I hated YOU women when I came into the program of AA, but that's a story for another day). I'm very excited and can't wait.
It's a little chilly here today, but I thank God for the last couple of days of warmth. I actually got to ride my Yamaha 125, before putting it away for winter. The rides were beautiful, all the leaves changing, the sunshine and robin's egg blue sky - aaahhh! sigh*** It will just make me appreciate the coming spring that much more.
I know this is short, but I've got things to do, I read this quote and absolutely loved it:
"If I ever get to heaven it will be from running away from hell" - Father Ed
Bless & Love,
Kimberly
This book takes examples from the Bible, and relates them to the 12 Steps of AA, the Serenity Prayer, and some other stuff I haven't even touched or looked at yet. It's not for everyone, but I enjoy it immensely, and glean things about myself, and what I think my H.P. is all about from the discussion. Plus, as a bonus I get to see these wonderful women from AA that I've come to rely on as part of my support group. (God knows how much I hated YOU women when I came into the program of AA, but that's a story for another day). I'm very excited and can't wait.
It's a little chilly here today, but I thank God for the last couple of days of warmth. I actually got to ride my Yamaha 125, before putting it away for winter. The rides were beautiful, all the leaves changing, the sunshine and robin's egg blue sky - aaahhh! sigh*** It will just make me appreciate the coming spring that much more.
I know this is short, but I've got things to do, I read this quote and absolutely loved it:
"If I ever get to heaven it will be from running away from hell" - Father Ed
Bless & Love,
Kimberly
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Good Morning!
I've been busy the last couple of days, which is a good thing. Today is going to be another busy one, but an exciting day. Today, I will do some work at home (I've already been bumping around the house this AM), then go shopping, then hit a meeting in the Akron area, and then I'm off to class. Woo Hoo! - I'm really excited about this class, it's a Life/Nude Figure Drawing class at one of the community art centers. It's been a while since I've taken a class like this, I may have even gotten one of my girlfriends interested in joining in the fun also, and it will be nice to flex these fingers and brain muscles. I'm even thinking about starting to do my photography seriously again. I used to love wandering, and just photographing things that catch my eye. People, places and things...at least today I can appreciate them.
Well, last night at my Big Book discussion we finished Chapter 4 - We Agnostics (starting at pg 54 to 57), and boy was it awesome! I remember being raised with religion in my life, and knowing good from bad, but somewhere along the line I thought "Hey God! I got my life under control here, you go take care of what you need to." For a while my life was fun, pleasant, maybe not fulfilling (but I was just a kid), but somewhere along the way in life things changed. I started to have problems, depression, anger, etc... I crossed that line of where I had the choice to put down the drink.
Well, at the end of the chapter the share part of a fellows story I really relate to a lot! I remember still thinking "God, I got it under control, it'll get better", it never did. It was only when I tried to take my life, and failed, that I finally became humble and honest with myself. I remember saying "God, I give up! I need your help! I can't even kill myself right, I have nowhere else to go." And there He was. He was always there, I just hadn't been seeking Him, so I never saw Him.
Looking back now, I know I had faith in Him, and He never gave up on me. I had misplaced my faith in people, money, things etc., I even took the brief moments in life to appreciate a sunset, or waves, or birds in the sky, but I had always thought "God's to busy, I can take care of me". Today I don't need a "Reason" for Him to exist, I just know He does. Someone shared that "we breath air into our lungs everyday, don't know how it's made, can't see it, but we know it's there. It's the same thing with God, we can't see Him, don't know how He got here, but He is here." I thought that was a great analogy.
Today, I know that God walks with me everyday (and carries me when I need Him most), he is my conscious companion. I can make choices in my life, good decisions: following his will and applying the 12 steps as solutions to my problems/challenges. Or, I can make bad decisions: following my own self will, not applying the steps, dealing with the consequences of my actions, and finally learning my lesson the hard way. The textbook of Alcoholics Anonymous is a guide to life for me, I apply it to more than just my drink problem. I never feel that hole in my soul anymore, I am comfortable in my own skin, and I enjoy doing new things, because today I know God is with me, and he works through others.
Thanks for listening, have an awesome day!
YamaDogGirl
"But He has come to all who have honestly sought Him."
"When we drew near to Him He disclosed Himself to us!"
Page 57, Chapter 4 - We Agnostics, "Alcoholics Anonymous" 4th ed.
Well, last night at my Big Book discussion we finished Chapter 4 - We Agnostics (starting at pg 54 to 57), and boy was it awesome! I remember being raised with religion in my life, and knowing good from bad, but somewhere along the line I thought "Hey God! I got my life under control here, you go take care of what you need to." For a while my life was fun, pleasant, maybe not fulfilling (but I was just a kid), but somewhere along the way in life things changed. I started to have problems, depression, anger, etc... I crossed that line of where I had the choice to put down the drink.
Well, at the end of the chapter the share part of a fellows story I really relate to a lot! I remember still thinking "God, I got it under control, it'll get better", it never did. It was only when I tried to take my life, and failed, that I finally became humble and honest with myself. I remember saying "God, I give up! I need your help! I can't even kill myself right, I have nowhere else to go." And there He was. He was always there, I just hadn't been seeking Him, so I never saw Him.
Looking back now, I know I had faith in Him, and He never gave up on me. I had misplaced my faith in people, money, things etc., I even took the brief moments in life to appreciate a sunset, or waves, or birds in the sky, but I had always thought "God's to busy, I can take care of me". Today I don't need a "Reason" for Him to exist, I just know He does. Someone shared that "we breath air into our lungs everyday, don't know how it's made, can't see it, but we know it's there. It's the same thing with God, we can't see Him, don't know how He got here, but He is here." I thought that was a great analogy.
Today, I know that God walks with me everyday (and carries me when I need Him most), he is my conscious companion. I can make choices in my life, good decisions: following his will and applying the 12 steps as solutions to my problems/challenges. Or, I can make bad decisions: following my own self will, not applying the steps, dealing with the consequences of my actions, and finally learning my lesson the hard way. The textbook of Alcoholics Anonymous is a guide to life for me, I apply it to more than just my drink problem. I never feel that hole in my soul anymore, I am comfortable in my own skin, and I enjoy doing new things, because today I know God is with me, and he works through others.
Thanks for listening, have an awesome day!
YamaDogGirl
"But He has come to all who have honestly sought Him."
"When we drew near to Him He disclosed Himself to us!"
Page 57, Chapter 4 - We Agnostics, "Alcoholics Anonymous" 4th ed.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
The Dance
A friend of mine, who's not in the program, but has truly inspired me on this new journey of life, sent me a letter today (snail mail). She is who I want to be like when I grow up! She has shown me, by example, how to live life on life's terms, how to laugh through it all, how to be grateful, and how to truly have fun. She sent me this poem, and I'd like to share it with you. Thank you God for putting her in my path, and life.
"The Dance"
Have you ever watched kids, on a Merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain, slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterflies erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't go so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day, on the fly?
When you ask "How are you"? Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed,
with the next hundred chores, running through your head?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste, not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, let good friendship die,
Cause you never had time, to call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry, and hurry through your day. It is like an unopened gift, thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower.
Hear the music.
Before the song is over.
- Rachel P.
"The Dance"
Have you ever watched kids, on a Merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain, slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterflies erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't go so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day, on the fly?
When you ask "How are you"? Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed,
with the next hundred chores, running through your head?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste, not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, let good friendship die,
Cause you never had time, to call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry, and hurry through your day. It is like an unopened gift, thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower.
Hear the music.
Before the song is over.
- Rachel P.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Religion is for people afraid of going to hell, Spirituality is for those who have been there.
A friend of mine in the AA program told me that when I first became sober. It really made sense to me to, for the longest time I didn't need God, I thought, "Don't worry about it big guy, I can handle this, I don't need you." I was playing god, and did a piss poor job at it, every good idea I had ended in failure, misery or trouble. I went to Hell, and came back thanks to a loving God I understand today.
I'm an alcoholic, and by nature I want to run the show completely, I was the master of my own destiny, but I started seeing God working in my life and the lives of others who believed and turned their will over to His care. "When others showed us that God-sufficiency worked for them, we began to feel like those who had insisted the Wrights would never fly." pg. 52-53 of Alcoholics Anonymous. I trusted, that when I turned on a faucet, there would be running water, why couldn't I do the same with God?
So, I started listening and praying to God, and I started seeing Him in everything. I found that the more dependence I have on God, the more free I am. Today, I can see the beautiful forest, instead of that one ugly tree. Today, I can turn my Will over to a God, as I understand Him, and do His will for me.
That doesn't mean I don't take it back once in a while, but today I know when I'm NOT doing His will, because none of my great ideas work. My God saved me, he forgave me, and as long as I continue to honestly seek Him out He will come to me.
"When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't. What was our choice to be?
I'm an alcoholic, and by nature I want to run the show completely, I was the master of my own destiny, but I started seeing God working in my life and the lives of others who believed and turned their will over to His care. "When others showed us that God-sufficiency worked for them, we began to feel like those who had insisted the Wrights would never fly." pg. 52-53 of Alcoholics Anonymous. I trusted, that when I turned on a faucet, there would be running water, why couldn't I do the same with God?
So, I started listening and praying to God, and I started seeing Him in everything. I found that the more dependence I have on God, the more free I am. Today, I can see the beautiful forest, instead of that one ugly tree. Today, I can turn my Will over to a God, as I understand Him, and do His will for me.
That doesn't mean I don't take it back once in a while, but today I know when I'm NOT doing His will, because none of my great ideas work. My God saved me, he forgave me, and as long as I continue to honestly seek Him out He will come to me.
"When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't. What was our choice to be?
page 53, We Agnostics, Alcoholics Anonymous
Monday, November 5, 2007
One More Day
Good morning world!
Well things are much better today, and doing the Gratitude List yesterday really helped!
I guess I should explain in a general way what's going on so you understand, and I can see it in writing.
My husband and I have been married for 13 years, we have been through drunks together, sobriety together, and life's ups and downs together. He suffered a back injury around 1999. He has 11 Herniated discs and half of them are ruptured. Obviously, this causes him a lot of pain. But, God has taken care of him, and I'm very thankful for His Grace. He does therapy, sees his doctors regularly, and takes his medication as prescribed. He has good days, and he has bad days, and we take full advantage of the good days together.
There is a reading in the book "A Women's Spirit", a daily meditation book for women. On August 10th, this is the reading:
Life is short; eat dessert first. - Joy Sommers
"Some say that attitude is everything. Many of us have endured abusive families, unreasonable bosses, and the uncertainty of illness. But but not all of us carry the pain and fear of the past into the present. We have found new patterns of thinking and behaving now that we've come to this program for help. Here we cultivate the attitude that we each are doing the best we can with the knowledge we have. We can forgive ourselves for our transgressions.
When we decide to let go of experiences that can't be changed, we find so much more joy in the present. The decision to seek joy and love now is like eating dessert first. The quickening pace of our lives as we age is reason enough to grasp every moment and savor its joy"
– Being more light-hearted today promises me memories worth savoring. –
I always know when I take back the resentment of my husbands condition, because I become sad and angry with him. When I do my gratitude list and read this meditation it reminds me to give it back, and let go. I've learned that the more I depend on my higher power (God), the more free I am.
What started this whole episode of taking it back was his motorcycle trip down south. I was really happy for him when he decided to get the motorcycle, he hadn't ridden in years, and has been riding since childhood. I was concerned about his back, but he said it didn't hurt to ride. So, off he went for 2 weeks, calling me daily, wishing I was with him (it's hard to find sitters for 3 parrots, a lab and a cat), me wishing I was with him, and all the pretty scenery and people he was meeting on the way. He had a great time, I enjoyed the relative quiet at home (pretty noisy with parrots), and things were great. I started to really miss him 2 days before he was to arrive back. At this time his back started hurting him, he would ride for shorter periods and stop to rest. The last day home should have been a 5 hour trip and it took him 11 hours to get here with all his stops for rest. I was concerned but he kept in touch, and finally arrived safely all excited from his trip.
This is when something started nagging at the back of my mind. After he arrived home he was laid up for about a week. The nagging in my brain continued, so I finally I did an inventory on it to try to see it more clearly. I was jealous of the fact he got to go, I was mad at him because he was in pain now and never complained about it on the trip. But as soon as he arrived he was hurting (my selfish mind is telling me that it's me causing him the pain). I was mad because the intimacy (snuggling, cuddling, etc.) in our relationship was strained because of his back, YET he could ride a motorcycle. It has been very hard for us to communicate lately, largely because neither of us are listening to the other. On top of that were both alcoholics and are perceptions are very different.
Now, I learned a long time ago never, ever to work his program, and he never works mine. It don't work, and resentments will fill up faster then drunks getting beer for free at a bar. So how do I approach him, well I asked a couple of women in the program who have dealt with the same situation I'm in now. They shared their experience, strength and hope with me, and told me the solutions that worked for them. So now I am applying this advice, and we are slowly making our way through this together. It's not easy (life isn't always), but we had a good talk yesterday. I guess what made me so sad yesterday was the fact that I do love him very much, and I do want this relationship to work, but I know that only God's Will is gonna prevail, not mine. Hence there's the taking back part, women alcoholics are such control freaks (at least I am). I hope this makes some sort sense, I'm not used to writing a journal, but I thought it would be fun and good for me.
So here is my gratitude list to God for today:
thank you for my sponsee who celebrated 2 yrs yesterday
thank you for Desi, she always brightens my day and is growing by leaps and bounds
thank you for the women friends I have in this program
thank you for the two great leads I heard this weekend
thank you for the sky, the sun, the moon and stars
thank you for the people you put in my life
thank you for taking care of my husband
thank you for forgiving me, even before I do something bad
thank you for my health
thank you for my talent
thank you for my life
thank you for my 3 boisterous parrots
thank you for the new kitty, who has adopted us completely (she leaves presents every morning)
thank you for Belle (doggie), and each day more you grant us with her
thank you for everything...
One last story and I'll shut up for today, but I thought this was funny.
Never do your 5th with your dog!
A gentlemen I heard lead this weekend stated, "Never do your 5th step with your dog", he had decided to do this. One day while with his sponsor in the car, his sponsor asked him how his 4th step was coming, and when he was ready to take his 5th step. The guy replied, "Oh, I already finished my 4th and took the 5th step." Sponsor said great, "Did you go to a Priest?" "No." "Did you go to someone I know?" "Weellllll, yes." " Who was it?" The sponsee tells him it was my dog (name of dog omitted). The sponsor slams on the brakes in the middle of the rode, looks at his sponsee and growls, "Well boy, it's easy to lie to a dog isn't it!" (I have a mental picture of Popeye's Pappy from this line). Needless to say, the sponsee quickly found someone else (human) to do his 5th step with that week.
Take care, have a great day & Bless you all!
YamadogGirl
Well things are much better today, and doing the Gratitude List yesterday really helped!
I guess I should explain in a general way what's going on so you understand, and I can see it in writing.
My husband and I have been married for 13 years, we have been through drunks together, sobriety together, and life's ups and downs together. He suffered a back injury around 1999. He has 11 Herniated discs and half of them are ruptured. Obviously, this causes him a lot of pain. But, God has taken care of him, and I'm very thankful for His Grace. He does therapy, sees his doctors regularly, and takes his medication as prescribed. He has good days, and he has bad days, and we take full advantage of the good days together.
There is a reading in the book "A Women's Spirit", a daily meditation book for women. On August 10th, this is the reading:
Life is short; eat dessert first. - Joy Sommers
"Some say that attitude is everything. Many of us have endured abusive families, unreasonable bosses, and the uncertainty of illness. But but not all of us carry the pain and fear of the past into the present. We have found new patterns of thinking and behaving now that we've come to this program for help. Here we cultivate the attitude that we each are doing the best we can with the knowledge we have. We can forgive ourselves for our transgressions.
When we decide to let go of experiences that can't be changed, we find so much more joy in the present. The decision to seek joy and love now is like eating dessert first. The quickening pace of our lives as we age is reason enough to grasp every moment and savor its joy"
– Being more light-hearted today promises me memories worth savoring. –
I always know when I take back the resentment of my husbands condition, because I become sad and angry with him. When I do my gratitude list and read this meditation it reminds me to give it back, and let go. I've learned that the more I depend on my higher power (God), the more free I am.
What started this whole episode of taking it back was his motorcycle trip down south. I was really happy for him when he decided to get the motorcycle, he hadn't ridden in years, and has been riding since childhood. I was concerned about his back, but he said it didn't hurt to ride. So, off he went for 2 weeks, calling me daily, wishing I was with him (it's hard to find sitters for 3 parrots, a lab and a cat), me wishing I was with him, and all the pretty scenery and people he was meeting on the way. He had a great time, I enjoyed the relative quiet at home (pretty noisy with parrots), and things were great. I started to really miss him 2 days before he was to arrive back. At this time his back started hurting him, he would ride for shorter periods and stop to rest. The last day home should have been a 5 hour trip and it took him 11 hours to get here with all his stops for rest. I was concerned but he kept in touch, and finally arrived safely all excited from his trip.
This is when something started nagging at the back of my mind. After he arrived home he was laid up for about a week. The nagging in my brain continued, so I finally I did an inventory on it to try to see it more clearly. I was jealous of the fact he got to go, I was mad at him because he was in pain now and never complained about it on the trip. But as soon as he arrived he was hurting (my selfish mind is telling me that it's me causing him the pain). I was mad because the intimacy (snuggling, cuddling, etc.) in our relationship was strained because of his back, YET he could ride a motorcycle. It has been very hard for us to communicate lately, largely because neither of us are listening to the other. On top of that were both alcoholics and are perceptions are very different.
Now, I learned a long time ago never, ever to work his program, and he never works mine. It don't work, and resentments will fill up faster then drunks getting beer for free at a bar. So how do I approach him, well I asked a couple of women in the program who have dealt with the same situation I'm in now. They shared their experience, strength and hope with me, and told me the solutions that worked for them. So now I am applying this advice, and we are slowly making our way through this together. It's not easy (life isn't always), but we had a good talk yesterday. I guess what made me so sad yesterday was the fact that I do love him very much, and I do want this relationship to work, but I know that only God's Will is gonna prevail, not mine. Hence there's the taking back part, women alcoholics are such control freaks (at least I am). I hope this makes some sort sense, I'm not used to writing a journal, but I thought it would be fun and good for me.
So here is my gratitude list to God for today:
thank you for my sponsee who celebrated 2 yrs yesterday
thank you for Desi, she always brightens my day and is growing by leaps and bounds
thank you for the women friends I have in this program
thank you for the two great leads I heard this weekend
thank you for the sky, the sun, the moon and stars
thank you for the people you put in my life
thank you for taking care of my husband
thank you for forgiving me, even before I do something bad
thank you for my health
thank you for my talent
thank you for my life
thank you for my 3 boisterous parrots
thank you for the new kitty, who has adopted us completely (she leaves presents every morning)
thank you for Belle (doggie), and each day more you grant us with her
thank you for everything...
One last story and I'll shut up for today, but I thought this was funny.
Never do your 5th with your dog!
A gentlemen I heard lead this weekend stated, "Never do your 5th step with your dog", he had decided to do this. One day while with his sponsor in the car, his sponsor asked him how his 4th step was coming, and when he was ready to take his 5th step. The guy replied, "Oh, I already finished my 4th and took the 5th step." Sponsor said great, "Did you go to a Priest?" "No." "Did you go to someone I know?" "Weellllll, yes." " Who was it?" The sponsee tells him it was my dog (name of dog omitted). The sponsor slams on the brakes in the middle of the rode, looks at his sponsee and growls, "Well boy, it's easy to lie to a dog isn't it!" (I have a mental picture of Popeye's Pappy from this line). Needless to say, the sponsee quickly found someone else (human) to do his 5th step with that week.
Take care, have a great day & Bless you all!
YamadogGirl
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Sad
I haven't felt this sad in a long time. It is a feeling of utter despair. Will it ever leave, when will things change?
What I think is best and what God thinks is best are two different things, I know that. I also know it's not God who's causing this pain, he only wants love and happiness for me. So God, as I try to be patient and listen for your response, I will try to do the next indicated step, and continue to pray.
GOD
thank you for Tretoe, my loving angel
thank you for a roof over my head
thank you for clothing on my back
thank you for my health
thank you for my friends
thank you for my life
thank you for my sobriety
thank you for directing my path
thank you for forgiving me
thank you for being patient
thank you for understanding me
thank you for knowing I'm gonna sin, and still forgiving me
thank you for the seasons
thank you for the life on this earth
thank you for teaching me
thank you for giving me hope
God these are just a few things I'm thankful for today. I know the pain and sadness will pass in your time not mine, I'm sorry I'm impatient (I keep looking for that burning bush), maybe it's inside of me?
What I think is best and what God thinks is best are two different things, I know that. I also know it's not God who's causing this pain, he only wants love and happiness for me. So God, as I try to be patient and listen for your response, I will try to do the next indicated step, and continue to pray.
GOD
thank you for Tretoe, my loving angel
thank you for a roof over my head
thank you for clothing on my back
thank you for my health
thank you for my friends
thank you for my life
thank you for my sobriety
thank you for directing my path
thank you for forgiving me
thank you for being patient
thank you for understanding me
thank you for knowing I'm gonna sin, and still forgiving me
thank you for the seasons
thank you for the life on this earth
thank you for teaching me
thank you for giving me hope
God these are just a few things I'm thankful for today. I know the pain and sadness will pass in your time not mine, I'm sorry I'm impatient (I keep looking for that burning bush), maybe it's inside of me?
Saturday, November 3, 2007
My brain is trying to kill me!
Every day that I wake up, I thank God for another day. But, I also remember that every day my brain is trying to kill me.
Right now it, and the devil are in cahoots together. Instead of a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, I've got dual devils on both shoulders, and GOD carrying my crazy A@#! I'm dealing with lots of growth right now (growing pains). The longer I am sober, the more I realize who I am, what my principles are, and that I don't have to go along with whatever you say (no more people pleasing), or even agree with it (my own opinion), but I can accept you for who you are, and respect your principles and opinions.
So why do you ask am I so "loco en cabasa" (crazy in my melon)? Because the one I love, who's also sober, can't grant me that same train of thought, and doesn't want to TALK ABOUT IT!!!!!!
I try to approach conversation calm, and steady, I don't want to yell or fight (used to sound like Barney from the Simpsons, still do sometimes), I just want to find a solution. I've gotten lots of suggestions from my network of women, and my sponsor and co-sponsor. These are women who've dealt with this type of situation before, and they have been extremely helpful.
My question is this (it's a long one), What do you do when the other party doesn't respond, makes no effort, and is isolating?? So far, I've been praying like the mad women I am for God to show me his will in all of this, and be patient for his answer. Keep him in your prayers.
God Bless & Love
Right now it, and the devil are in cahoots together. Instead of a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, I've got dual devils on both shoulders, and GOD carrying my crazy A@#! I'm dealing with lots of growth right now (growing pains). The longer I am sober, the more I realize who I am, what my principles are, and that I don't have to go along with whatever you say (no more people pleasing), or even agree with it (my own opinion), but I can accept you for who you are, and respect your principles and opinions.
So why do you ask am I so "loco en cabasa" (crazy in my melon)? Because the one I love, who's also sober, can't grant me that same train of thought, and doesn't want to TALK ABOUT IT!!!!!!
I try to approach conversation calm, and steady, I don't want to yell or fight (used to sound like Barney from the Simpsons, still do sometimes), I just want to find a solution. I've gotten lots of suggestions from my network of women, and my sponsor and co-sponsor. These are women who've dealt with this type of situation before, and they have been extremely helpful.
My question is this (it's a long one), What do you do when the other party doesn't respond, makes no effort, and is isolating?? So far, I've been praying like the mad women I am for God to show me his will in all of this, and be patient for his answer. Keep him in your prayers.
God Bless & Love
Tail of the Dragon - Deals Gap
I love this video from YouTube. My husband did this ride this fall more than a couple of times and can't wait to get me out there. This looks like a blast, and I can't wait! I also happen to love the first song he starts out with., I can really relate to the emotion in the lyrics. Here's a pick of hubby on his ride.
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