Good Morning!

I've been busy the last couple of days, which is a good thing. Today is going to be another busy one, but an exciting day. Today, I will do some work at home (I've already been bumping around the house this AM), then go shopping, then hit a meeting in the Akron area, and then I'm off to class. Woo Hoo! - I'm really excited about this class, it's a Life/Nude Figure Drawing class at one of the community art centers. It's been a while since I've taken a class like this, I may have even gotten one of my girlfriends interested in joining in the fun also, and it will be nice to flex these fingers and brain muscles. I'm even thinking about starting to do my photography seriously again. I used to love wandering, and just photographing things that catch my eye. People, places and things...at least today I can appreciate them.

Well, last night at my Big Book discussion we finished Chapter 4 - We Agnostics (starting at pg 54 to 57), and boy was it awesome! I remember being raised with religion in my life, and knowing good from bad, but somewhere along the line I thought "Hey God! I got my life under control here, you go take care of what you need to." For a while my life was fun, pleasant, maybe not fulfilling (but I was just a kid), but somewhere along the way in life things changed. I started to have problems, depression, anger, etc... I crossed that line of where I had the choice to put down the drink.

Well, at the end of the chapter the share part of a fellows story I really relate to a lot! I remember still thinking "God, I got it under control, it'll get better", it never did. It was only when I tried to take my life, and failed, that I finally became humble and honest with myself. I remember saying "God, I give up! I need your help! I can't even kill myself right, I have nowhere else to go." And there He was. He was always there, I just hadn't been seeking Him, so I never saw Him.

Looking back now, I know I had faith in Him, and He never gave up on me. I had misplaced my faith in people, money, things etc., I even took the brief moments in life to appreciate a sunset, or waves, or birds in the sky, but I had always thought "God's to busy, I can take care of me". Today I don't need a "Reason" for Him to exist, I just know He does. Someone shared that "we breath air into our lungs everyday, don't know how it's made, can't see it, but we know it's there. It's the same thing with God, we can't see Him, don't know how He got here, but He is here." I thought that was a great analogy.

Today, I know that God walks with me everyday (and carries me when I need Him most), he is my conscious companion. I can make choices in my life, good decisions: following his will and applying the 12 steps as solutions to my problems/challenges. Or, I can make bad decisions: following my own self will, not applying the steps, dealing with the consequences of my actions, and finally learning my lesson the hard way. The textbook of Alcoholics Anonymous is a guide to life for me, I apply it to more than just my drink problem. I never feel that hole in my soul anymore, I am comfortable in my own skin, and I enjoy doing new things, because today I know God is with me, and he works through others.

Thanks for listening, have an awesome day!
YamaDogGirl

"But He has come to all who have honestly sought Him."

"When we drew near to Him He disclosed Himself to us!"

Page 57, Chapter 4 - We Agnostics, "Alcoholics Anonymous" 4th ed.