Giving Back What Is So Freely Given

Well, I'm back on the circuit again. Oh, I don't mind at all, God gave me November off to be thankful, grateful and time to reflect on all that has happened this last year. I'm leading tonight for a wonderful woman at her home group. This is one of the oldest and larger home groups, so yes I'm nervous, but that's okay. I think we should always be nervous, at least a little, keeps us honest. Once I turn my will over to God, and we start with the Serenity Prayer, He takes over and speaks through me with my experience, strength, and hope. I relax a little and He provides us with what we need for the evening.

There has been a lot of change in just the last couple of months. It amazes me how much we grow together, constantly learning, gaining new experience on this journey called life. We had an interesting topic last night - A newcomer asked, "How do I live life on lifes terms? I'm lonely, still unsure." We shared that 1) We are never alone, the God of our understanding is with us all the time. We just need to reach out to Him. 2) We work with our sponsor and actively apply the 12 Steps to our life. 3) We reach out to other women, both for help and to help. 4) We get active in our fellowship, meaning helping whenever possible, not just showing up.

We do not search out another to fill our needs or use for our wants. This is detrimental to ourself and others. This is an important time in our sobriety, at the beginning, many of us shared how we tried dating early in sobriety and it never worked out, because we didn't know how to live, let alone love someone else. We are going to be experiencing great amounts of change in our first year if we actively apply those 12 Steps to our life. We are finding out who we are, establishing a conscious contact with a God of our understanding, being fearless and thorough about our lives, making amends, working on character defects, becoming active, and helping others - whew! Sounds like a lot! But it is worth it all, if we can become well for the loved ones around us, or for the future relationships to come.

It's said many times in meetings "don't date for the first year, women stick with women, men stick with men, don't make any major changes the first year, etc..." I'm sure you've heard them all, no where in the Big Book does it tell us to not do any of these things. These sayings came about because of others experiences, sharing what they learned so others may not make the same mistakes they do, but they don't always apply to all. The suggestion for our sexual conduct can be found on pages 67-69 of Alcoholics Anonymous (you'll have to look it up if you want the answer).

We all get feelings of loneliness from time to time even in sobriety, it's called feeling our emotions. Today we want to feel all of these emotions instead of numbing them with alcohol or drugs. We want to feel overwhelming joy, grief, contentment, anger, peace, despair, hope and so much more. It is part of our life today, the journey is more important then the destination. I know from my experience that I will grieve, that I will have moments of pure joy and happiness, I will feel frustration and anger, but it is what I do with those feelings that is different today. It is important for me to "think, think, think", before I open my mouth or act on impulse for I do not wish to cause others injury. Do I do this gracefully and all the time - NO, I am human, just trying to do my best for today. That is all the God of my understanding asks of me.

So, tonight, I will do my best for God, ask Him to guide me where He wants me to be so I may help another. Thank you for all you have given me, all you have taken from me, and for this journey. Without Gods Undeserved Mercy I would not be alive today.

Blessings & Love,
Kimberly